Best Friends or Lovers?
by theressomethingaboutmary
Summary: Bella and Edward have been best friends for years. But when they share a passionate kiss, will they finally be able to confess their true feelings for each other after all these years or will all be lost?
1. The Birthday

Chapter 1

BPOV

"You could stay the night" Edward said as he placed the third scary movie we'd watched that night into the DVD player. It was one in the morning and I was sprawled out on his sofa with a bowl of popcorn in my hands.

"You don't mind?" I asked between mouthfuls. My voice was both outlined with eagerness and anxiety. No matter how many horror films I watched I could not help but to jump at each one. Any normal best friend would refuse to see me torture myself this way but Edward sat loyally by my side each Friday night, no doubt in honest humor of my pitiful screams.

"Of course not." He chuckled at the thick tension in my voice as he returned to the couch. "I wouldn't want the boogie man to claim you on your way home"

"Funny, funny" I laughed. I tried to give a convincing smile as I scooted closer to him. He had just put in _Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning_ and there was no way I was going to watch it without as much human contact as I could get. I knew I was being a baby but Edward seemed not to mind as he cradled me against his chest. He threw an extra set of blankets around my now stiff body while he laughed quietly to himself.

I shifted my legs so as to give him more room but he only moved in closer. My heart skipped a beat. It still didn't make sense how after more than fifteen years of friendship my heart still accelerated at his touch. Even when we were little I couldn't remember not reacting this way. Just the simple high-five or soft nudge would send my heart into convulsions. I had long recognized my love for Edward as a lost hope but sometimes I couldn't help but to think that maybe his heart became just as faulty as mine when our bodies came in to contact.

The movie began to play just as I shoved my thoughts out of my head. It was so easy to get lost in my desire for my best friend. In fact it was something I had adjusted to living with once I immediately realized that he could never feel the same way. And maybe lying in his arms right now didn't exactly help with what little determination I had left but then again I never seemed able to resist sticking my hands into the cookie jar-no matter how many times they came back empty.

"Comfortable?" Edward asked as he massaged my back. He looked at me with his sweet amber eyes and smiled.

Well of course I wasn't comfortable now. How could anybody relax when the love of their life held and looked at them in that way. It was pure torture.

"Um yeah..thanks" I quickly averted my eyes back to the onslaught of the pretty brunette on the television as my heart slowly returned to its normal rate.

The rest of the night was filled with my screams followed by Edward's soft laughter. There'd been several times when I clung to him with such force that I swore my fingernails left imprints in his skin, but he never complained. In fact I would look up to apologize only to be greeted with a look of content and almost satisfaction. Or maybe I was just too tired to register his true expressions.

"Edward?" I whispered, drifting to sleep.

"Yes Bells?"

"I love you."

He chuckled softly. "I love you too"

No I wanted to scream as I opened my eyes.. _I'm in love with you_

But of course no such words escaped my lips and Edward watched on, unaware that my heart was spilling out with desire for him.

I tilted my head so I could see his face.

"Aren't you tired yet?" he teased. His eyes looked drained and droopy.

"Oh I'm sorry," I gushed, "here let me up so you can get to bed". I started to move but his hands quickly wrapped around my waist in protest.

"No I'm fine and besides you're not sleeping on the couch. We'll get up in a minute and you can move to my room." His eyes were soft but stern.

"No Edward- I"

Before I could finish he cupped my face in his hands and quietly shushed me.

"We don't have to worry about it now, I just want to sit here for a little while longer."

Maybe Edward hadn't put as much weight on his last sentence as I now imagined he had and maybe I was just to delirious from being next to him for so long, but I was absolutely content in staying in his arms for a little while longer. I nuzzled my head back into his chest and surrendered to sleep.

I woke up surprisingly not as sore as I should have been from sleeping on Edward's couch. And as I stretched and felt beneath me I was also not surprised to learn that he had transported me to his bed during the night.

As I turned to call his name I almost had a heart attack to find that he was lying right beside me-in bed.

"Hey sleepyhead, Happy Birthday"

In his hand was a saucer, which in turn held a small cupcake with a candle cradled in the center.

My lips stretched into a smile as I sat up to blow out the candle.

"Here's to a Happy 21st birthday"

Flushed, I sat the cupcake aside and hugged him. The hug lasted longer than usual and when I pulled away his expression was one of happiness but leaked something else…something that maybe I wasn't supposed to see.

He quickly recovered and said "Get dressed. I'm taking you to breakfast and then a few other places. Oh and call Alice. She's called you like twenty times" He rolled his eyes as he shrugged off my roommate and his sister Alice's tendencies to overreact.

"Oh shoot I forgot to call her last night to tell her that I was sleeping over."

He handed me my cell and I quickly dialed her number. Giving me one last suspicious grin, he kissed my forehead and walked out the room.

"Take your time".

I was about to pass out from the light headedness that was now accumulating when Alice's quirky voice soon filled my ears.

"Bella!"

"Hey Alice, sorry I didn't call. I spent the night at Edward's. We fell asleep watching scary movies."

"I figured" she laughed.

"Well are you going to be home soon? I wanted to do something for your birthday."

"Oh thanks Alice, but I think I might hang tight with Edward for a while…I think he's taking me to breakfast… and some other places I guess."

"Oh he is is he?" Her voice contained a tad bit more suspicion than of simple inquiry. Alice knew the way I felt for her brother and could never quite put her dreams to rest of the happy ending that I knew all to well would never occur.

"Alice, cut it out. Its just breakfast. I'll call you when I'm on my way home."

"Okay but don't forget to give my brother a big fat kiss for me…"

I could hear her chuckling to herself on the other end of the phone.

"Bye Alice" I laughed, shutting my phone.

I was about to walk into the shower when something sparkly caught my eye in Edward's wide bathroom mirror.

Nestled on my neck was a dainty silver necklace with a small pendant centered in the middle. I let out a yelp as I cradled the unfamiliar piece of jewelry that had not been there the night before.

Before I could even stop the tears that were running from my cheeks or the quick gasps of air that were leaking from my mouth, warm arms encircled around me.

I turned to see Edward's smiling face.

"What is…How'd you.." I stammered as I tried to control my voice.

"Do you like it?" he asked, his voice oddly shaped with anxiety.

I punched him in his side.

"Like it?" I asked incredulously, "Of course I like it. I love it! Its so beautiful… and plus it came from you." Hoping he wouldn't notice the intensity in which I placed my last words, I stood on my tipy toes and wrapped my arms around his neck. His body stiffened but he quickly tightened his hold on me.

"I cant believe you did this," I whispered in his ear, " I didn't even feel you put on me last night."

My eyes were still filled with appreciative tears as I let go and returned to look at him. He let go of my waist and placed his hands on both sides of my face. With his thumb he gently wiped away a falling tear.

My heart quickened.

" It wasn't easy. I'd thought you'd woken up three times. You talk so vividly in your sleep that I was sure you'd caught me."

"I do not" I laughed.

He still held my face and made no inclination of letting go. His thumb had now moved to my cheek and his eyes once again were immersed in something other than pleasure. He smiled widely and kissed my forehead.

"I'm glad you like it" he whispered in my ear.

Edward brought his face slowly back to mine and our eyes locked for what seemed like an eternity. My heart skipped a beat as his eyes fluttered from my eyes to my lips and back again. Was this really happening? Was I about to kiss Edward for the first time since our friendship had bloomed in the second grade or rather since my love had blossomed from the first time his lips uttered my name.

All of a sudden Kelly Clarkson's voice filled my head, interrupting my thoughts as my phone rang behind me...again and again.

Finally breaking our gaze, Edward chuckled and let go of my face.

"Bella, maybe you should get that."


	2. The Meadow

**WOW. I'm so excited you guys liked the first chapter! I'll try and update as quick as I can!**

**Oh and I'm definitely all for an Edward and Bella ending but you have to hang in there with me. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**

BPOV

By the time I had gotten out of the shower my mind had compressed, molded, and shaped what might have just happened in a thousand different ways. If my brother, Emmett's phone call hadn't infringed upon Edward's intentions, would I still be standing in front of his mirror drying my hair with a towel? Or better yet, would Edward be by my side, he too wiping his muscular body dry? I quickly smiled at my reflection as my thoughts tilted further and further out of line. I couldn't assume that the kiss would have led to other things or even that such a kiss was forming onto Edward's lips in the first place.

I unlocked the bathroom door and made my way to his dresser. I had spent countless nights at his place and so naturally we had assigned a drawer for all of the miscellaneous things I left behind. I sorted through the heap of clothes that had now accumulated and finally decided on a pair of tight jeans and a loose top.

I was surprised to see my hands were still shaking as I slid the zipper into place. With just my bra on, I walked back into the bathroom to brush my teeth. The taste of fluoride hit my mouth just in time for me to notice that more of my things were conveniently strewed across the bathroom counter. Another toothbrush, a couple of my towels, perfume… In fact anyone who was aloof to me and Edward's relationship might think, by the look of things, that I too lived in his apartment.

I shuddered at thought of Edward's brilliant amber eyes being the first thing I saw in the morning as well as the last thing I saw at night. If that were to ever happen I would truly be in need of heart resuscitation. Even the thought of it now sent my heart colliding into its neighboring organs at each irregular beat. I needed help.

When I was done and somewhat pleased with my appearance, I left Edward's bedroom to find him sitting on the couch. He smiled as his eyes reached mine.

"You look beautiful" he said as he stood up, keys in hand.

"You're to kind" I chuckled back. My mind was too preoccupied with Edward's once advancing lips to appreciate anything he was saying now.

A frown spread across his face as he took a step toward me.

"You always look beautiful Bella." By now he was at arm's reach.

"Always" he whispered as his finger playfully grazed my nose.

"So" I said before my breath could grow any more uneven, "where are you taking me?"

"It's a surprise."

"Ughh" I moaned, "You know how I feel about surprises. Why don't you just tell me?"

By now we had made it to the parking lot and I was climbing into the passenger seat of his silver Volvo.

"Because," he laughed as he put the keys into the ignition, "What kind of birthday would this be if it didn't contain at least a couple of surprises and what kind of best friend would I be if I didn't permit them?"

I rolled my eyes and sunk back into the seat. To tell the honest truth, I didn't really care where Edward was taking me. For my birthday, or any day really, his company was all I wanted… or rather craved.

The rest of the car ride was filled with cheesy conversations of past birthdays and holidays. Ever since we were eight our families had gathered together at these times of the year and made it a point to always cause some sort of catastrophe before the night's end.

"Remember the time your dad wanted to surprise your mom for Christmas and hid a tennis bracelet in her favorite desert?" I almost cried, my eyes filling with tears from so much laughter.

"HAHA yes! It would have been a great gift if your uncle hadn't accidently eaten it."

"I still don't know how he digested that thing".

Before I could comment any further, Edward turned off the main road and onto a dirt trail that led to the La Push Reservation. We had come here countless times when we were little but I couldn't imagine the reason behind us being here now.

"Edward, seriously…where are we going? You're taking me into the woods?"

My smile disappeared as I speculated the suspicious grin that was now formulating across his face.

"I guess you could say that" he replied.

"What happened to just going to breakfast?"

"Bella calm down." He turned to catch my wavering eye, "I said I'd take you to breakfast and I still intend to. Or better yet…" his eyes returned to the road as he smiled again, "I'm bringing breakfast to you. We're here."

Puzzled, I looked out the windshield and for the first time recognized where we were. Fixed in front of the car was dense meadow. My lips curved into a grin as I recognized the landscape from so many years ago that was now spread in front of me.

Before I could ask Edward what he meant, he had stepped out of the car and was now fishing for something in the trunk. I unbuckled and hopped out of my seat just as he rounded the corner with a huge blanket in his arms which seemed to be draped over some sort of basket.

I raised one eyebrow as he walked towards me.

"Do you recognize where we are?" he asked as he gestured for me to follow him.

"Yeah…we're in our meadow from like ten summers ago. How'd you even know where to find it again?"

He chuckled as he bent down to spread the blanket on the soft grass.

"How could I forget? We practically spent everyday here that summer."

I smiled as I thought back to my eighth grade summer when Edward's dad had invited me to spend a whole summer at his La Push lake house. One day Edward and I were simply wondering around in the woods when we stumbled across the most beautiful meadow I'd ever laid eyes on. We'd spent hours nestled in its damp grass listening- or rather eavesdropping on the love songs of nearby birds. Somehow we'd fallen asleep and nearly sprinted home after opening our eyes to a star lit sky. But the most important thing that I remember from that day was Edward promising to be my best friend for as long as he lived. I swear my heart had stopped beating for three full seconds..

I flushed as I shook the memories away and returned to find Edward laying out the contents of his basket on to the pale blanket. Edward had outdone himself. Piled on the blanket were plates full of my favorite breakfast foods. French toast, hash browns, eggs… So this is what Edward had meant by "bringing breakfast to me". My heart quickened as I realized that his idea of a simple birthday breakfast closely resembled that of a date. I had been many guys over the past years, all of course in a lousy attempt to rid myself of the love I held for him, but none of my boyfriends had ever done anything to this extreme. Or anywhere close to…

"Edward, I don't know what to say" I gasped as I truly took in all that my best friend had done for me that day. Absentmindedly my hands flew to the dainty necklace that now caressed my neck and I was once again at a lost for words.

"For a start you could say thank you Edward for being the greatest best friend that ever lived and then maybe give me a hug. Somewhere along those lines…"

He smiled as he looked at me and I could see that he truly felt satisfaction in making me speechless.

Before I knew it I had thrown my arms around him with so much force that he fell backwards. Lying on his chest I whispered, "You are truly the greatest friend that has ever existed and I am truly lucky that you're all mine."

Edward and I had wrestled plenty of times before so it took me by surprise when his playful expression left and he was staring intently in my eyes. With the slightest touch he turned my body so that my back was pinned to the blanket and he was lying on his side still watching me with an intensity that sent my heart into convulsions.

Slowly he shook his head and whispered, "No I'm the lucky one."

He moved his hands to either sides of my face as he did earlier but this time his touch was locked with determination.

I tried to keep my expression under control as his fingers grazed my cheek. His amber eyes filled with that same unidentifiable expression that I still couldn't place.

"Bella" he was barely whispering now and if I wasn't mistaken his voice slightly cracked. We'd been subconsciously moving closer together and I could now feel his breath on my lips.

"Y-yes Edward" My breathing had accelerated now past the point of normalcy and if I didn't act soon I knew it was only a matter of time before I would combust.

Instead of answering, Edward's lips lowered on to mine. At first I was paralyzed and then soon my head lost all claims it had on any previous thoughts and my whole body was consumed with the taste of Edward. His hand cupped my face as gentle fingers whispered at my sides, turning my heart as well as every other inch of my body to the consistency of jell-o. I had to be dreaming. There was no other explanation available to sum up what Edward was doing to me. I had obviously lapsed into a coma the minute our bodies had clashed together and now my mind was grasping on to anything that seemed familiar…well familiar in the sense that I had fantasized about this on a daily basis for the past fifteen years.

His lips tugged at mine with such force that it made me wonder if I ever wanted to resurface from this induced dream/coma. I would stay under for years if it meant that I could live out every fantasy I'd ever had with Edward.

My hands had now reached his hair just as his reached my hips. By now my breath was so raged that I was a little worried he would notice but his hands never left my body and his lips never ceased to move along my skin.

"Bella" he whispered in my ear. His hands were now caressing my stomach and his lips brushed against mine as he said my name again.

"It's okay" I practically moaned and began shifting his hands so that they could advance further in the removal of my shirt.

He smiled as his lips trailed down the length of my bare midriff.

"Are you sure…" he whispered; his teeth now tugging on the strap of my bra.

Before I could have a chance to say HELL yes..before I could get the chance to tell him that I was passionately in love with him…that I needed him this second..this instant….my phone rang. My damn phone rang for the second time today.


	3. Unmasking

**Stephenie Meyer owns twilight**

I tried to block out the wretched sabotaging device that was now vibrating violently in my side pocket but Edward couldn't. Looking annoyed and rather distraught with lust, he pulled my phone from my jeans and rather growled into the speaker, his eyes never leaving mine.

"What Alice"

Almost immediately his expression changed and pain stretched across his face. He let go of my waist and slowly detached his body from mine. I sat up, leaning on my elbows as my breathing returned to normal.

"Is he okay?" Edward was now on his feet handing me my shirt. I mouthed _What is it_ as I threw my top into place and stood up. I was helping him put everything back into the basket when his next sentence stopped me in my tracks.

"We're on our way to the hospital now".

My hands powered off as my eyes shot to Edward's. He had just snapped my phone shut and he was advancing towards me with hesitant eyes.

Tears filled mine as his silence began to cut into my veins.

"It's Emmet isn't it?" I whispered.

Edward nodded.

"Bella, there was an accident. A car collided with his motorcycle. He was only minutes from the hospital but…. Bella it doesn't look good."

Panic surged threw my body as images of my brother, Emmet, flashed before my eyes. His strong smile, his loud laughter…and now his fragile body lying limp and still in the road…

Before I had time to think, we were at Southside Hospital. Besides my initial reaction, my eyes kept themselves dry or rather I deferred them from crying. I couldn't afford to let my body become suppressed by any sort of breakdown. Emmett was all I had left and I could not let hope become my enemy. _He was going to be fine _I told myself over and over again. He had to be.

Edward held my hand the whole time but I could not look into his eyes. His pain would have only magnified mine. And not only was I terribly scared at the fate of my brother but I was also highly aware that I almost had sex with my best friend. No, I had to leave my emotion dormant. I had to look forward for Emmett and for myself.

We were sitting in the waiting room when the first nurse walked towards us. I stood, bracing myself.

"Are you members of Emmett Swan's family?" She asked looking up from a chart. Her name tag read Christa.

"Yes" I answered. "I'm his sister."

"Well Emmett suffered various injuries from his accident but surgery was quite a success. He was very lucky. He's awake now if you'd like to see him."

A quiet breath of relief escaped my lips as I absorbed what she had just said. Emmett was okay. He was going to be fine.

"Yes-yes" I stuttered.

The nurse gave me a quick smile and directed me and Edward towards Emmett's room

Sitting on a grey elevated bed lay my brother, his eyes glued to a television set which was loudly spitting the statistics of the last Broncos game. Completely oblivious to his current condition, he was yelling at the defeat of his favorite football team. It was so Emmett. Bandages licked at his legs and forehead, but he seemed not to notice.

His eyes turned to mine as he finally noticed our presence. With a guilty expression, he smiled.

"Hey Bells.. I-"

"Emmett how could you!" I blurted out as emotion bubbled out of its cave. My skin boiled as the rage and anxiety I had neatly tucked away for the last hour finally resurfaced. "You told me no more motorcycles! Yet here you are…you stupid, careless, selfish, inconsiderate…."

Edward chuckled as he let go of my hand.

"Emmett you asked for it." He patted Emmet's hand as he continued. "I'm glad you're okay though"

"Thanks man." He gave Edward a strange look and narrowed his eyes. Edward's body immediately tensed and I could swear he gently shook his head no in response.

Before I could interrogate them on their secret exchange, a different nurse stepped in to check Emmett's vitals. She was tall, blonde, and gorgeous. And Emmett noticed. I turned my head in disgust as he began his ravish flirting with the nurse. Her name was Rosalie and I could tell, by the way she giggled at his pitiful jokes that she too found him rather appealing.

I looked up at Edward just in time to find him staring at me. The way he looked at me made me feel self conscience and I smiled sheepishly but could not look away.

By then the nurse had left and Emmett let out a loud cough, breaking our gaze. It took me by surprise to feel Edward remove his hand from mine especially since I had not realized he had resumed holding it after my outburst with Emmett.

"Um…I have to go to the restroom. I'll be back" Edward whispered a bit uncomfortably.

I turned to see Emmett smiling and shaking his head with suspicion.

"So, I see you too are getting along pretty well. Alice told me you were spending the whole day with him earlier."

I rolled my eyes. "It's my birthday Emmett…and he's my best friend."

My anger returned as I realized I was ironically explaining myself to him. "Some people actually took it into consideration that it was my birthday today instead of trying to get abolished by oncoming cars. Some people understand what that would do to me. Some people care."

My eyes were on the verge of more tears when Emmet's hand reached mine.

"Calm down Bella," he pleaded, "Of course I care. You know that and I'm sorry you're upset."

"You should be" I barked "you're the one to blame".

Emmett rolled his eyes. "So what were you guys doing anyways?" His lips curved up into another smile.

"You don't get to know." I snapped.

"Whatever it was I bet you were happy. But then again Edward Cullen never ceases to please you."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. Even though Edward and I had practically almost done the deed just hours earlier, I hadn't had time to really process what it all meant. I loved him and would have him regardless the situation, but I wasn't sure it was the same way with him. He could have just been caught in the moment. I mean if Edward had feelings for me, I would've known by now especially considering the fact that he had fifteen years to contemplate. But then again, so did I.

"I don't understand why you don't just tell him."

"Tell him what" I said incredulously.

"That you're in lo-"

Just then Edward walked back into the room. And just like that our conversation ended. I couldn't tell Edward I was in love with him. It would change everything…especially if he didn't feel the same. And a friendship couldn't ride on the sails of the desires that I held for him. We would always sink.

********************************************************

We spent the rest of the day with Emmett. Alice was able to visit despite her hectic work schedule and before I knew it, night had fallen.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay the night Emmett? I asked, concern stretching across my face as people began to leave.

"Yes Bella, you baby me too much. I'm a grown man. I think I'll be okay."

"Oh," I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air. "who would have known?"

Emmett rolled his eyes and kissed me on the forehead.

"Go," he whispered, "I'll be fine. Go get some sleep…oh and happy birthday Bells."

"Thanks Emmett. I'll call you first thing in the morning."

"If you really think that's necessary." I could see his eyes roll as he spoke.

I glanced up to find Edward walking towards me.

"You ready?" he asked warmly.

"Yeah, just let me get my things."

I walked to the side table and grabbed my jacket. I turned around just in time to find Edward staring at me. I was about to smile when something crossed his face. My heart dropped.

I had seen him sad, annoyed, distraught, pissed…but this was something I'd never witnessed. He looked…torn; like someone was ripping him internally, like he was desperately trying to hold on, but at the same time let go. _Oh no. _My mind immediately flew to the meadow. He obviously regretted it. Why else would he look at me so pleadingly? He had almost made love to his best friend and now the shame was slowly creeping in.

My breath heightened.

How could ever think for a second that he thought of me as more than a friend? I was his Bella…his I had to fix things. Edward was more than just a best friend. He was my life. My rock. And up until a couple hours ago, I was the same to him. There was little I could promise him now, but if it took me the rest of my life, I would erase that look in his eyes.

The walk to the car was accompanied by silence.

Cutting silence.

By the time we were on the road, my bottom lip was begging for relief from my chattering teeth. I had to say something. As much as I hated to be the first one to initiate the long road that was inevitably ahead of us, I knew our friendship was worth it.

"Edward" I whispered turning to face him. He seemed deep in thought as he looked out the window. He wore the same expression that he did in the hospital. Shit…this was bad.

"Edward…I.." I tried again. Why was this so hard? I knew I had to tell him that our kiss meant nothing and that we simply had gotten carried away but somewhere deep inside I couldn't allow myself to say it. It was a lie. The kiss had meant everything. His lips on mine, his fingers trailing down my skin…our bodies moving together…it had felt…so right…so natural. It was like saying no to food. I needed Edward…I absolutely craved him. And here I was…about to tell my soul mate that he was just a friend. As painful and as wrong as that sounded, I also knew that it was the only way to keep him in my life. Edward was better than no Edward.

"Bella we need to talk." He finally whispered, his eyes never leaving the road.

Great…he couldn't even look at me.

"What happened in the meadow…and earlier in the bathroom…" he started…

I couldn't take it any more. The next sentence flew from my mouth so fast that it took me awhile to even realize what I was saying.

"Edward I know it didn't mean anything. We just got carried away in the moment. We're still us. Nothing has changed. We're still Edward and Bella."

By now Edward was looking at me. In fact, he was glaring at me so fiercely that before I knew it, he had pulled off into the side of the road giving me his full and somewhat furious attention.

"How can you say that?" he spat with disgust, "You're not just some random girl Bella. And we didn't just randomly hook up. I can't just choose to forget that I kissed my best friend with that sort of passion."

He took a deep breath looking away from me.

"We are not the same.."

My eyes were now beginning to sting as I realized what he was saying. Edward wasn't shallow and he was not going to let it go. I wasn't going to get my best friend back after all. We weren't the same anymore. One moment of passion had erased fifteen years of friendship.

"Edward we can move past this." I cried, my voice breaking.

"I know you don't have feelings for me in that way…so what's the problem? We made a mistake…we can fix it." I was practically begging now, my whole entire body stretched out to him.

Edward's eyes immediately caught mine as he turned to face me. His expression was past outrage, past disgust…he looked genuinely hurt.

"You… think… what we did was a …mistake?" he spoke slowly, his eyes never leaving mine.

Why would he ask me that? And why did he look so hurt. A minute ago he was a man looking down upon his best friend with the upmost disgust-an understanding reaction- and now he looked like I had just stabbed a knife in his back. Was he that distraught that he couldn't even think straight? Here I was trying to tell him…no beg for him to forget our temporary lapse in judgment, giving him a free pass, and he was actually concerned that I didn't enjoy the kiss? What the hell?

"Edward, you don't understand. We shouldn't have done that. We crossed a line and for that we were wrong. I'm not saying the kiss didn't contain passion or wasn't meaningful, I'm saying that I cant bear to have our friendship ruined over something like this. You mean so much to me and I want to make it right."

By now my sobs were making my words jumbled and incoherent. Why couldn't he see that I was willing to move past this…that I was willing to push my love for him aside for the very sake of having him in my life!

I lowered my face in my hands and cried. And for the next 10 minutes, that's all I could do. I couldn't believe I had started the day out with a best friend and might be now ending without one. How could things have gotten so messed up? How could I have let things get so messed up?

After awhile I lifted my eyes. Edward's eyes were locked with concern. He brought his hand up to my face but immediately pulled it back before he could catch any falling tears.

Great…he couldn't even touch me anymore.

"Bella…I would never let anything get in the way of our friendship…it's just … I thought…" he sighed before stopping mid sentence.

And at that moment I finally realized what had been off with him the entire day. His secret expressions…his secret exchange with Emmett. He was trying to tell me something and I was to busy crying to notice.

"What is it Edward?" I whispered whipping my eyes dry of the relentless tears.

His expression changed as he seemed to be lost in thought. His eternal fight once again resurfaced. What did he have to tell me. And why did he look like he was desperately trying to find an answer that he knew all to well did not exist. Was he trying to tell me that he didn't want to be friends anymore? Even though I had heard him speak in clear English that he would never let anything get in the way of our friendship, was that all but to quickly negated when there wasn't a friendship in the first place?

*****************************************


	4. Love or Friendship?

**I am so elated with all the reviews and alerts! I'm glad you guys are following along despite the many cliffhangers I leave you with. I can't help it though. I'm just in love with the chase!! **

**I haven't touched up on Edward's point of view yet and I'm sure you are all dying to hear how he feels even though it is clearly written on his face. **

**Enjoy! Oh and please review! They make me want to update faster!**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight;; I just take her characters and pull them through antagonizing situations.**

**EPOV**

"Edward what is it?"

I looked at her for what seemed like eternity before answering.

"Nothing, bells" I said turning to kick the car back into drive. Within seconds we were on the road.

I was a coward. I had spent weeks preparing for her birthday; planning every second…the necklace, the picnic…Even Emmett, her brother, knew about it. This was supposed to be the day that I confessed my unrelenting love for Bella. Yet here I was…backing out like the coward I truly was. At first I had convinced myself that it was Bella's friendship that had kept my mouth shut all this time. The idea that if we didn't work out our relationship would be lost and I would lose her forever. But as I drove down the winding roads of Forks, listening to the windshields wipe away at the now violent downpour, I realized that it was her rejection that kept my desires at bay. The idea that she did not love me back was something I knew I could never mend from. So if she wanted to pretend that nothing happened, I would gladly concede. At the end of the day her solution wasn't rejection, and for that I silently slid my mask of a lie back on.

*****************************************************

By the time we got to my apartment complex, it was raining so hard I could barely see five feet ahead of me.

I looked at Bella who had been silent for the remainder of the ride. She kept her eyes on the dashboard but I could see the pain in them. I knew she was afraid of losing my friendship but somehow her expression made it seem as though there was more…and that scared me.

We sat in silence for a couple of seconds.

Finally I shut the engine off and removed the keys. The abrupt sound brought her eyes to mine before quickly averting them back to the dashboard.

"Bella, I don't like the idea of you driving home in this weather." I whispered, " I'd drive you home myself but I can barely see through the rain. You can stay the night again."

"Are you sure?" she said turning to meet my gaze. The look of pain that stretched across her face made my heart drop and all I wanted to do at that moment was reach across and hold her in my arms. I managed to succeed in lightly gazing her cheek.

"Of course Im sure Bella."

It wasn't much of an answer but it seemed to put her at ease. I handed her my jacket and we quickly glided through the rain and up to my apartment.

************************************************************

When I woke up, the memories of the day before bombarded into my head.

Bella.

The meadow.

The car ride home.

I stretched my muscles one last time as I tried to push yesterday's thoughts from my head. Usually Bella would have been sound asleep next to me. Her head embedded in a pillow, her mahogany hair trailing along her back…my arm draped around her waist… But last night she had insisted on sleeping in my guest room leaving me to wallow alone in my stupidity.

How could I have managed to get her shirt off in minutes but could not muster up enough energy to tell her three simple words?

I quietly made my way to her door. I tapped once.

No answer.

I tapped again.

No answer.

I figured she was still asleep. I smiled to myself as my brain began to rack through memories of waking up to her on days like this…minus the drama. I would spend minutes just ravishing at her beauty, memorizing every freckle. She was beautiful even when she slept.

I opened the door, half expecting her soft body to be nestled in the comforter but instead, I found the bed to be empty.

Placed on the side dresser was a piece of paper that had been folded several times.

I made my way into the room and picked up the note. I smiled as Bella's chicken scratch appeared in short and jumbled sentences.

_Edward,_

_I had to open early at the bookstore. We'll figure this out soon…I promise._

_Love Bella_

I sighed as I realized that her means of figuring it out were very different from mine. Figuring it out to her meant pushing yesterday's events behind us. And that was the last thing I wanted to.

As I sat cradling her note in my hands, I couldn't determine which would be harder: telling Bella we should remain friends or telling her I loved her. Both options bounced in my head, each pummeling into each other as their weights fell heavily to either side. If I remained Bella's friend, I would have to keep pretending to not want more. I would have to see her eventually fall in love with another man and give him all the things that I longed for. To watch her live in her happiness as I died in my pit of hell. Or I could tell her that I was in love with her. She could confess her own desires and I would love her the way I knew no other man could. I would marry her and bring a smile to her face every day that we lived and she would do the same. We would have kids that had my wild bronze hair and her chocolate brown eyes. We would be happy.

But if she didn't return my love, I'd most definitely lose her. Because a friendship could not ride on that type of confession.

So it was one or the other.

Love or friendship?

To say that I was torn would have been an understatement.

**BPOV**

"You almost had sex with my brother!!!?"

I rolled my eyes as Alice continued to interrogate me on the other end of the line.

"Alice please. Nothing happened I just got a huge wake up call that's all." I sighed as I turned to place another book on the cart that I was tugging behind me. Today was Thursday which meant that we had to restock.

"What does that mean? Did you tell him Bella. Oh, please tell me you finally told him."

"No I didn't" I whispered as I craned the phone further into my ear while balancing a book with my other hand.

"Wait," she said slowly, "so you almost _made_ love to him but you didn't even mention that you're _in_ love with him."

"Yep" I said nonchalantly.

It's amazing how after something pivotal occurs that the following days can linger on as normally as they usually do. Even though I was at the brink of losing my best friend from a lapse of controlled desires, my mind was somehow still able to rack through the Dewey decimal system with little to no effort. I had trained it well. Or maybe the only reason I could calmly have this conversation with Alice without bursting into tears was because I had no tears left to cry. Sobbing into Edward's pillows in his guest room all night had completely drained me. It was almost as if I were numb. And to be quite honest, I didn't mind.

"That makes no sense," she said firmly, redirecting my attention.

"Alice… I just want to forget it ever happened. We just got lost in the moment.. I just want us to get back to normal. You know, back to good old Edward and Bella."

"Well the good old _Edward and Bella_," she sneered,"don't have make out sessions in the middle of the woods."

"Bye Alice" I said exhausted.

"Wait!!" she screamed into the phone before I had a chance to snap it shut. "You're still going with me to Heather Sinclair's party tonight right?"

I cringed as I remembered that Edward had also gotten an invitation to the party almost a week ago. I wasn't sure I could see him just yet if I wanted this numbness to stay around for much longer.

"Um Alice I don't know…I don't have a date and he'll be there and.." I trailed on, grasping at any excuse I could formulate.

"Bella, it will be fine. I'll bring someone for you and we can all go together. Her house is humongous, you probably won't even bump into him."

"Okay" I sighed. There was really no point in arguing with Alice. She would always win.

"Okay good. Just remember to come home as soon as your done so I can get you looking sexy!"

"Bye Alice!" I said a final time, flipping my phone shut.

I took in a deep breath as I examined all the books I had left to restock.

This was going to be a long day.

I was about to continue when my phone buzzed again.

My breathing hitched as Edward's name flashed across the screen.

**I know its short but just wait for Sinclair's party!! I see people making huge strides…hopefully in the right direction.**


	5. So close

**Okay so this chapter is very long and drama filled but very important! I swear after this one things will start falling into place. But until then, let the angst continue!**

**I know you're reading so please review!**

**SM owns Twilight**

**BPOV**

I don't know exactly why I didn't pick up Edward's phone call. Or the next one. Or the next. Awkwardness was the last thing I wanted to condone, but having a conversation with him right now would have driven me crazy. I knew I would get angry with him if he wanted to talk about it but at the same time I knew I would only get agitated if he tried to pretend like nothing had happened. For whatever reason, I silently slid my phone into my back pocket.

It was times like this that I often wondered if cowardice had just as much of a part as curiosity did in killing the damn cat.

******************************************************************

"Honestly, Alice. This dress looks exactly like the other four I tried on." I sighed. We had been trapped in my room for the better half of the afternoon and my patience was dwindling. Initially, my mind had been preoccupied with thoughts of Edward, but even his beautiful face could not block out the torture of trying on LBDs for hours on end.

"What are you talking about Bella?!" she yelled in disgust as she snatched yet again another black dress from her closet. "You're wearing a Zac Posen mini, and a minute ago you had on a Rodarte frock. Can you at least pretend to have a little fashion sense?"

"Whatever Alice. I still don't understand why we're doing all of this."

"You know exactly why" she retorted, rolling her eyes.

I was about to tell her that there was really no hope in my little situation-or rather huge situation- when soft chimes filled the air, interrupting my lies.

"And that'll be your date!" Alice squealed, pulling me towards the door. I gave her a dirty look as I made my way through the living room. She had insisted on keeping my date a secret, and since her surprises often tended to lean towards the extreme, I quietly braced myself for whoever…or whatever…might be on the other side of the door.

A trail of relief exited my body as a dazzling smile met my eyes.

"Hi, you must be Bella." His voice was soft and sweet but definitely held a note of masculinity.

I blushed as he handed me a bouquet of roses. Alice had really outdone herself.

"Yeah come in," I said, shutting the door behind him. "Thanks for the flowers"

"No problem" he laughed, giving me a wink.

That smile was really doing a number on me.

He followed me to the kitchen as I opened a cabinet, searching for a vase.

"So, what's your name?" I said as I found the glass vase shoved between a blender and a toaster. Straining, I climbed on the counter for better leverage. Bad idea. I managed to grab the vase but not before losing my grip and falling backwards.

But before I could hit the hard tile floor, a pair of strong hands engulfed me.

"Uh… its Jacob." He said, trying to stifle back a laugh.

How…embarrassing.

"Oh, uh.." I stuttered, "Thanks for catching me…Jacob."

He was still holding me when loud shrills filled the room.

"Wow…I leave you alone for 5 minutes and I see he's already swept you off your feet."

I rolled my eyes as Alice giggled at her corny joke. Jacob placed me back on my feet and handed me the vase.

"Thanks," I murmured as I walked to the sink to fill it with water.

**********************************************************

Five minutes later we were in the car and on our way to Heather's party. Alice and Jasper were in their own little world as usual, kissing and touching at any available second. Normally their PDA would have depressed me, but instead it gave me a chance to get to know Jacob. He was actually really fun company…or rather he was good at keeping my mind off of Edward for more than 2 seconds at a time. It was quite refreshing. Apparently he and Alice had a class together and were good friends. He was new to Forks and like most, hadn't exactly gotten used to the terrible weather but otherwise liked it. While majoring in engineering, he also played college baseball.

Jacob was funny and charming. And if I were any other person I would have noticed the true depth of his personality but of course, I was only concerned with the differences and similarities he held with Edward. And so far there were many.

He played baseball. So did Edward.

He was muscular. Edward was lean.

He was practical. Edward was spontaneous.

He was handsome. Edward was gorgeous.

My list dragged on for the rest of the ride. When we got to Heather's house, my thoughts were interrupted by a sudden burst of adrenaline. I hadn't talked to Edward since last night despite the five missed phone calls that now bored onto my phone. I had avoided him all day long only to end up at the exact same place that he was. Great.

Music blared from every floor of Heather's three story complex. Somehow she had convinced her parents that she needed a huge apartment when she was away at college, and surprise surprise, they bought her one.

"Let's get drinks!" Alice yelled through the music. She had already begun dancing and we had barely made it past the door. I giggled at her as we made our way to the elaborate bar in the center of the room. It was lined with drinks and bartenders that barely looked of legal age.

After ten minutes of watching Jasper and Alice take shots, I made my way to a nearby couch with Jacob.

"You want to dance?" he whispered shyly into my ear as we sat down.

"Um…not unless you enjoy having Jimmy Choos rammed into your feet all night" I laughed through the music.

"Nonsense." He shrugged as he grabbed my wrists and heaved me onto my feet. "I'll teach you."

I gave him a wary glance before letting him lead me to the dance floor. This should be interesting. The only person I'd ever danced with was Edward but I felt like I owed something to Jacob. He had agreed to go out with a highly unstable girl who was in love with her best friend. The least I could do was dance with him.

The first song that came on had a fast tempo. Jacob flashed me one of his breathtaking smiles as he wrapped his right arm around my waste. His hips swayed slightly to the music and he gave me a reassuring squeeze, prompting me to do the same. I'm sure I looked ridiculous in my pitiful attempt to "move my body to the beat" but despite my horrid dance moves, I had to admit I was having fun. And by the end of the second song I actually felt like I could at least dance along with the beat instead of just swaying back and forth randomly. We were embarking on our third dance when I saw him.

My heart froze as Edward shifted his way through the dance floor. He had on a light pair of jeans with a dark blazer. His hair was its usual mess and through the slivers of light escaping from various directions I could see the copper hidden in it. I felt a pang of guilt as I realized I hadn't yet noticed what Jacob was wearing. When I returned my attention back to him, I was greeted with a look of concern.

"Are you okay" he said.

"Um…yeah…I just uh…." _Think, Bella think_. "I need to use the restroom. I'll be back." Before I knew it, I had detangled my body from Jacob's and was fleeting towards Edward's direction. I don't really know what I was doing but I couldn't just stand there. Maybe it was one of those fight and flight reactions. I guess I was flying… or rather fighting, depending on which way you looked at it.

Again I don't know why but at that moment, I knew I had to tell him. As odd as it was, I just felt like it was now or never. I needed Edward to know how I felt about him. Right here. Right now. And the strangest thing was, I wasn't nervous. My feet kept moving and my heart kept beating. And I was doing it.

I followed him through the crowded dance floor. But as we made it to the bar a song came on that sent people into an almost frenzy, and I lost sight of him. Wheeling around towards the stairs, I spotted Alice and Jasper.

"Alice!!" I yelled through the blaring sound. "Did you see where Edward went!"

Her eyes looked dazed as she glanced in my direction. Alice never had high a tolerance for alcohol and I could only imagine what tomorrow would be like for her.

"Upstairs!" she screamed as her fingers signaled the down position. I rolled my eyes as I headed up the winding staircase.

EPOV

I was pissed. And for the mere reason that it was the only emotion I had left. Bella was avoiding me and my roommate ,Tyler had insisted upon dragging me to a party in the midst of it all. Two weeks ago I would have given anything to spend the night drinking and dancing but then again two weeks ago, I had had a best friend to accompany me. Now Bella was gone and everything seemed to be moving at a painfully slow pace.

I was making my way to the bar when I first saw her. She was beautiful. She had on a tight but flattering black dress that hugged her in all the right places: a definite courtesy of Alice. Her hair was down, and light waves flowed towards the ends. I knew Bella had been invited to go, but I doubted I would see her since she wasn't a big party goer. She would have much rather stay home and read a book, or write one for that matter, or watch some cheesy horror film. She wasn't in to most unnecessary things and that was one of the many reasons why I was in love with her. She was determined and didn't get distracted. In many ways, Bella was my motivation.

Almost immediately, I was pulled from my thoughts as I noticed she was dancing with some guy. Over the many years of loving Bella I had learned to cope with my constant jealousy. She was beautiful, and although she never realized it, many guys did. I always gave her advice when she did date, but thankfully it never lasted long. I never asked why because to speak quite honestly, I didn't want to hear about it. If her love life wasn't with me it was the last thing I wanted to hear of.

But tonight was different. I had been so close to telling Bella that seeing her that moment with another guy hurt like hell. Obviously our little experience meant nothing to her. Here she was, dancing- which she only ever did with me- and she was smiling. She was smiling while I was burning.

I had only realized that I had stopped moving when an elbow suddenly collided with my right rib. Turning around, I rolled my eyes as I spotted a drunken Tanya smiling at me.

"Oh sorry Eddie" she cooed, using the annoying nickname she'd created for me back in high school. Tanya had been one of the many promiscuous girls who had longed for my attention back then. She would have been a really good friend to me if only she had managed to direct her attention away from my pants for more than two seconds. Instead, she was just irritating.

"Bye Tanya." I said, with a little bit more force than I meant to. I couldn't help it. I was agitated.

I turned from her to look for Tyler. I know we had just gotten here but I was ready to go. Watching Bella dance on another guy all night was the last thing I wanted to do.

I trudged up the winding stairs, stepping over drunken make out sessions on my way there. Her second floor was just as hectic as her first. Blue and red lights flashed across moving bodies as I made my way down the marbled halls. Florida's song "Low" was permeating through the walls way to loudly and my head was beginning to hurt. Tyler was still nowhere in sight and I was getting annoyed.

I opened the doors to one of the many abandoned bedrooms and made my way to the edge of the bed. I placed my head in my hands to block out the music. If I didn't get home fast, I was going to combust.

As I was about to get up, I felt cold hands run down the back of my arm. I looked up in disgust as I found that Tanya had once again managed to find me.

"Tanya…please…go" I whispered, replacing my head in my hands. This night was only getting worst by the minute.

"Oh Eddie, what's wrong." She sighed in her annoying raspy voice, "Don't push me away…we can just talk if you want."

I looked at her curiously through my hands. She looked genuinely concerned and I needed to vent. I slowly lifted my head to meet her reassuring smile.

BPOV

I made my way up the stairs but not before nearly falling over the many stiff bodies that scattered the rising steps. Squinting my eyes, I walked through the red lighted hall as music screamed past me. There were people everywhere…kissing, dancing, laughing, drinking, smoking. I really wasn't used to parties like this and I almost gagged as I shrugged past a group of girls making out.

My perseverance was declining as I fumbled down a marbled hallway. It felt like hours passing as I looked through each door. Finally I heard something.

Turning the corner I heard what sounded like Edward's voice.

My heart began to pound as I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. My legs almost buckled at the sight in front of me.

EPOV

I knew I wasn't going to find Tyler anytime soon so I decided it couldn't hurt to talk to Tanya about it. She was drunk and chances were she probably wouldn't remember our conversation in the morning and all I really wanted was someone to listen. Hiding my secret was starting to mess with me.

"I'm just so screwed right now." I said glancing down at my lap.

"What do you mean," she whispered grabbing my hand. I was so frustrated I didn't even bother to break from her grasp.

"I ruined everything. And now she doesn't even know how I-" I couldn't even finish before Tanya's lips came crashing down on mine. I tried to back away but she immediately locked her hands around my neck. Pushing her away as lightly as my anger would allow, I finally broke away from her advancing tongue.

"Tanya what the hell!" I yelled, furious.

"What?" she cooed, moving closer towards me as she placed a hand on my chest, which I quickly slapped away. "I was just trying to comfort you"

"With your tongue?" I asked incredulously, standing up. I walked out of the room, livid. This night was surely climbing towards the top of my worst. I had to get out. Tyler could find his own ride home.

BPOV

Seeing Edward kiss Tanya sent me flying down the stairs, my eyes filling with tears.

I had to get out.

I was running so hard that before I knew it, I had nearly collided into Jacob.

"There you are" he said but immediately stopped once he saw my face.

"Bella what's wrong." His voice was hard and he looked upset.

I shook my head before answering and grabbed his arm.

"I have to leave…now" I managed to get out past all the tears. "Please"

"Okay, I'll take you, just let me get the keys from Alice".

After making sure they could get a ride home, I was on the road with Jacob. He was holding me and I was heaving under uncontrollable sobs. He didn't say anything. And for that I was grateful.

Okay so that was that! Now let the confessions begin! R


	6. I'll be fine

**Okay so the last chapter was fun to write. I'm not a big fan of Jacob so I don't know how much longer he'll be stuck in my story but as for Edward and Bella…let's continue with the aftermath.**

**SM Owns!**

**R&R**

**BPOV**

The next week was a blur. I had double shifts at the small bookstore and midterms to study for on top of that. And Edward called…everyday. His voicemails were often long but after awhile I stopped listening to them. Mostly because, despite the week that had passed, I was the furthest from numb. Any thought that lingered towards his direction sent my stomach back on its never-ending rollercoaster.

Alice refused to talk to me about it until I spoke to Edward himself. She kept insisting that if I had done that in the first place, I might have skipped over this part. I knew she was right but hearing Edward actually say he didn't want me was something _I'd _rather skip over.

So I was left harboring the broken pieces alone as usual.

"Bella can you pull these three books from the stock room please" begged my boss, Nancy, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Yeah sure" I said, stepping from behind the café counter. As I walked into the back storage room, my phone vibrated. I winced as Jacob's name highlighted the screen. I hadn't really talked to him since the party and felt extremely guilty for the way things had ended that night. I'm sure he didn't expect his night would consist of comforting his hysterical date that he probably thought was some deranged psycho who couldn't control her alcohol intake.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bella!" His voice was chirpier than necessary as if he was surprised I answered.

"Hey Jacob, about last week…" I started.

"Forget about it." He said quickly, cutting me off. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"Okay," I said rather easily. Although I felt bad about the situation, I definitely did not want to talk about it. "I'm sorry though."

"You don't need to apologize." He said warmly. "But I do think that you owe me a second date."

"Um…" I said hesitantly. As much as I enjoyed his company at the party-well the part before my breakdown- I wasn't interested in him in that way. He was sweet and charming but better suited as just a friend.

"Jacob, I'm not really looking to "date" anyone right now." It was the truth. I was done dating the day I met Edward. I had found my soul mate even if the feelings weren't entirely reciprocated. There was no point in looking for anyone else. All they would ever be was a placement holder.

"Okay, don't look at it as a date then." He quickly amended, "Look at it as a guy asking his beautiful friend to hang out."

"Beautiful friend?" I giggled. It was the first time I'd heard myself laugh all week. It felt weird.

"Yah, what do you say? I'm thinking tomorrow around 3:00."

"Okay?" I replied after a long pause. In a way he reminded me of Alice. Instead of negotiating, I just conceded.

"Great" he said, again with a little more excitement then I think he intended.

"I'll see you then,"

"Oh and Bella" he said before I could hang up, "Wear tennis shoes. We'll be outdoors and I don't think I can spend the whole day catching you."

"Bye Jacob" I said playfully, snapping the phone shut.

Maybe I wouldn't die from this depression after all.

I shaded my eyes from the unusual heat as I opened the door to find Jacob leaning nonchalantly on the railing.

"Ready to go?" he asked, flashing me one of his wide smiles.

"Do I look okay?" I asked hesitantly. When Jacob had requested I'd wear tennis shoes, I wasn't really sure that still entailed a detailed outfit despite Alice's opinion. I shrugged as I glanced down at my white t-shirt and short khakis.

"Yah, you look fine" he replied, giving me a wink.

As he pushed his weight to his right foot I noticed he dangled a baseball bat in his hands.

"Baseball?" I asked pointing to his hand. My coordination skills weren't the best but after Edward had insisted on having a best friend who knew how to play the game he loved, baseball was the one thing I could do successfully. After the many practices I was dragged to, I had actually managed to become pretty good at it. I had even managed to beat Emmett in a scrimmage that he'd rather not talk about…ever. I chuckled as I remembered his face as I skid into home plate and I sighed as I remembered Edward's proud expression as he declared me safe.

"Yep, there's a batting cage on Wilson's Road I wanted to try out." Jacob exclaimed, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"I know what you're talking about" I said as we walked towards his black Jetta. Grabbing my seatbelt, I thought back to the countless times Edward had taken me there during the summer. As much as I hated sports, we'd always had fun. And as I heard the click of the belt, I couldn't help but to think of how much I truly missed him. Despite the lust that was now driving me away, I missed my best friend. A lot.

The car ride was slower than I remembered. Edward and Alice were both terrible drivers who had no regard for speed limits and so I was surprised by the comfortableness I felt in Jacob's car. It was nice to enjoy the scenery without carsickness pulling at your stomach.

"Okay I have to warn you," I teased as I looked up to Jacob who was handing me my own glove and bat. "I have a pretty mean arm".

I smiled lightly as I noticed that he had given me right-handed glove. I placed it awkwardly onto my fingers.

"Oh is that so" he chuckled as he carefully placed a helmet over my head.

"Yes, I just don't want you to have any mental breakdowns while were in there."

"Thanks for the look out." He said rolling his eyes.

"What are friends for?" I said giving him a wink.

His lips edged towards a smile as we silently walked into the building. The air conditioning felt great on my skin and I couldn't help but to get excited. That is until I saw who was in the first batting cage.

Arms stretched wide, Edward smashed his bat into an oncoming ball. His legs receded and his biceps flexed as he mounted up for the next one. After hitting that one, his body suddenly relaxed and I immediately turned around as I realized he was stretching his neck, his head snapping towards my direction.

Before I could follow Jacob any further into the next cage, I heard him call my name.

"Bella?" Edward said slowly.

I turned around to see his bat clash into the asphalt. And then I just stood there, letting the pain drown me.

"Bella" he said again, walking towards me.

Before I could think, his arms were wrapped around my waist and my head fell into his chest. My body intertwined with his and it felt good. I sunk into every crevice of muscle and fold of his skin. And as naturally as it had always been, I fit.

He pulled me away slowly but not before I had a chance to remove the traitorous tears that were beginning to swell. Still holding me he grazed my cheekbone with his thumb. And at that point I didn't care. I didn't care that the way he looked at me, as convincing as it was, contained no desire. I didn't care that he didn't want me. I was just so happy to be in his arms that everything flew out the window. And as much pain I knew I would feel when he let me go, nothing seemed to feel as right as it did at that moment. I was where I belonged even if life was too unfair to acknowledge it. I knew it and that's all that mattered. Just being with him made me feel as whole as I knew I would ever feel. And even though I knew I was putting all my eggs in one faulty basket as I threw every emotion into him, I still didn't care. I would watch them fall one by one as I always did, with as much content as my body would allow.

Finally releasing me, he looked into my eyes and asked the one question that I never imagined he would.

"Do you hate me?"

His eyes bored into mine and I couldn't help the bubble of a sob that escaped my lips.

"I could never hate you Edward." I whispered, glancing towards the floor. It was the truth.

"Then why are you avoiding me?" he pleaded, grabbing my hand and redirecting my attention. "I miss you so much Bella."

I didn't say anything. There were really no words. Especially since the only thing that came to mind was him kissing Tanya.

"Bella, talk to me. I need you." he said, taking my hand and placing it on his cheek.

I looked into his eyes and watched his expression curl back into the pained look from the hospital. My heart sped.

"I miss you too Edward, its just…" I started.

"It's just what?" he frowned. His body was tense and I could feel the anxiety leaking at his fingertips.

"I…."

"You said you wanted to move pass this." He said, frustration emerging in his voice.

"You said you didn't want us to fall apart."

"I don't " I whispered back.

"Then why are you doing this. You're not even trying" his voice was hard now as he cupped my face in his hands.

Before I could answer Jacob stepped forward.

"Are you okay Bella". He asked. His voice was also hard as he and Edward exchanged death looks.

"Yeah, Jacob just give me a minute". I said through tears.

He gave me one last look before hesitantly retreating into the batting cage. He shook his head from side to side and sighed.

"Who is that?" Edward spat, his gaze following Jacob.

"He's a friend. Alice introduced us a couple of days ago."

He returned his eyes to mine and frowned. "Is he the reason why you've been avoiding me?"

"What…no Edward" I said, shaking my head, "Jacob is just a friend. I barely know him". He looked mad and I didn't understand why.

"Do you want me as a friend?" he said tilting his head towards the side.

"Edward you know that's what I want. You're my best-"

"Then why are you pushing me aside like I'm nothing." His voice cracked with pain, eagerly replacing his anger

"Edward" I sighed, reaching up to caress his cheek.

He pulled me closer and my breathing hitched.

"I need you Bella." He whispered into my ear. "Like air. Please…I'll do anything just don't give up on us."

"I'm not giving up…I just…"

"What. What is it then?" he whispered, "I'll fix it. Just tell me what I need to do and I'll fix it."

"You can't fix this Edward" I cried, pulling away from him. My tears were full force now and he looked scared. "I mean we'll get back to normal" I spat, "but you can't fix this. This is the one thing that isn't fixable."

I wiped away more falling tears and looked at him. He couldn't "fix" the way I regarded him. I would always love him. And as I stood there, face to face with him I didn't want him to fix it. I wanted to love him. I _wanted_ him to fix the fact that he couldn't love me back. I wasn't ashamed and at that moment I wasn't remorseful. In many ways my love for him was one of the most redeeming qualities that I possessed. In no way did I want that "fixed".

"What are you talking about Bella?" He said slowly, advancing towards me once again.

"There's just some things that you can't change." I whispered.

"I'll change for you Bella. I'll do anything, you know that."

I looked at him for what seemed like forever. I honestly wanted to believe him. I honestly wanted to believe that if I finally told him, he would love me back. No questions asked. Something would click and he would just simply love me back.

"You can't change for me Edward."

"Then what do you want me to do!" He was beyond pissed and I couldn't blame him. I wasn't making sense and I was sure I was making everything worse.

"Are you going to answer the next time I call?" he was yelling now as he gripped the sides of my face again,

"Or are we going to keep playing this game? Are you going to be there when I need you? Are you going to let me be there for you when you need me? Or are you going to let some random ass guy take you to _our_ batting cages despite the fact that he cant even manage to give you the right glove." He said as he yanked my right gloved arm that was useless. I was clearly left handed.

"Edward of course I'm going to be here… I just"

"You know what Bella," he said looking into my eyes.

"You do what's best for you. I'll be fine."

And with that he kissed my forehead and was gone.


	7. Bad Weather

**I know it's frustrating but keep reading! I swear I won't disappoint.**

**Review to tell me what you think!**

**SM OWNS**

**BPOV**

I stood in front of the mirror, leaning to the side as my hands slowly advanced towards the permanent ink trailing across my lower back. I could almost feel the tiny needle piercing my skin as I thought back to that day. Remembering the silly tears that flushed past my cheeks, the cold draft of the parlor…his soft hands entwined with mine.

My eyes darted towards the door as a soft knock penetrated the room.

"Bella are you okay?" Alice asked, concern wrapping around the usual perkiness of her voice.

"Yah, I'll be out in a second." I replied.

I stood in silence as I waited to hear her receding footsteps. When I was sure she was gone, I returned my gaze to the mirror. A set of black numbers glanced back at me.

**4-21-87**

I smiled as I covered the tattoo that I had gotten my when I was seventeen. Charlie had blown a fuse when he discovered it and Emmett had laughed at the stupidity of it, but I never regretted it. And even in the bottomless pit that I now found myself in, I was still somehow able to smile at the soft numbers of my best friend's birthday.

I opened the door quietly and wondered if Edward too was smiling down at my numbers that branded his left bicep.

**********************************************************************************

It had been three days since the batting cage incident. I had called him repeatedly but was only met with the answering machine. Needless to say, it was also another "date" ruined with Jacob. He understood, much to my surprise, but at the same time I could tell he was disappointed. I would have to make it up to him. But first I had to fix things with Edward.

I pulled at the loose strands of my ponytail as I slumped into the soft folds of the couch. I felt the beginnings of the defined dip in the cushions due to my lack of activity.

"So has he called?" I asked, looking up at Alice who was slicing an apple beside the house phone.

"No" she said quietly, placing the knife into the sink. I winced as I heard the sharp sound of metal licking metal. "I'm sorry."

My hands reached my thigh and I shrugged. I didn't deserve his phone call regardless.

"Bella, would you just tell me what happened." She said, crouching beside me. "Jacob said Edward looked really upset."

I shook my head as I stared into the blank television.

"He thinks I hate him." I said softy, refusing to look at her.

"Why would he think that?"

"Because…"

"Bella, I think you should go talk to my brother. Face to face I mean." She said, not allowing me to finish.

"I don't think I can do that" I said, fighting tears. I hated myself for crying. I had brought this on myself.

******************************************************************

**EPOV**

"Your apartment is a pig sty," said Jasper shaking his head in disgust.

"Then leave." I snapped back. My eyes were glued to the television, as my hands thoughtlessly flipped through the channels.

"You have to stop this Edward. You've had fifteen years to tell her. But you haven't. Get up. Live. And for God's sake, take a shower."

I rolled my eyes as I shifted my body from the couch. Pizza boxes and red plastic cups strewed across the coffee table and a pile of unclean clothes blanketed the floor. So maybe my apartment was a mess and maybe I was moping around, but I didn't care. Making an effort to pretend to be okay had ended days ago. I was lost without Bella. There was no need to hide it.

"You're still coming to the dinner right?" Jasper said glancing at the clock.

I closed my eyes as I remembered the monthly dinners that my parents held. Everybody came, Emmett, Alice, Jasper…Bella; the whole gang. Ever since we were in high school, we looked forward to the ritual. Now here I was, pathetically trying to shield the thoughts of torture I was likely to endure from sitting across Bella in our current condition.

"Well seeing how it is at _my_ parents' house, I don't think I can get out of it." I said slapping the arm of the couch.

"Don't stress," Jasper shrugged, "It's just dinner. When we get home you can continue on with your moping. No worries."

I was quiet for a minute.

"Did you know Alice was in love with you before she told you?" I asked suddenly. It always bothered me how easily my sister had found love while I, on the other hand, was struggling to mutter the three simple words.

Jasper sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Man I don't know. I mean I guess I sensed it…" his voice trailed on.

I nodded my head, flipping to another channel.

"Edward, she does love you. I see it. Alice sees it. We all do."

"No she doesn't." I said quietly. "I kissed her and she's throwing me out like trash."

"She's just scared."

"Yah well, what am I supposed to do." I said, anger pulsing throughout my body as I turned to glare at Jasper.

"I showed her how I felt and she's not even willing to acknowledge it. It's like I'm the plague. You should have seen the way she looked at me yesterday…like I was a burden or something."

"Whatever Edward. I've had this conversation with you for years and I'm done. You don't fight for Bella and then you wonder why things are the way they are."

I sat back, surprised at the harshness of Jasper's words. My hands balled into fists as I heard him slam the door on his way out. I was pissed. I fought for Bella. I showed her how I felt, and I fought for her at the batting cage. I pleaded with her to try and fix us and she did nothing. I fought for her.

My hands rested on the back of my neck as I recoiled into the couch trying to convince myself of the latter.

**************************************************************************

**BPOV**

Sighing, I pushed through the grand doors of the Cullen's house.

"Bella!" Esme yelled she as she flew around the corner, her delicate arms wrapping around my torso. I smiled back at Edward and Alice's extremely attractive mother and returned the hug.

While growing up, Esme and Carlisle had become family to me. I had spent so much time at their house between sleepovers with Alice and hanging out with Edward that they even had pictures of me hanging on their walls. I smiled as I was welcomed into my second home.

"Mom, let her breath" Alice giggled from the side of me.

"Oh sorry," Esme said, releasing me and giving Alice an equally heart felt hug, "I just miss my girls so much!"

I smiled as I followed them past their mahogany entrance and into their newly renovated kitchen. I awed at Esme's great eye for detail as my eyes trailed along the granite countertops. She always said if she hadn't loved teaching so much, she would have started her own interior design company.

"The boys will be here any minute." She said, returning to chop at a stock of celery.

My body tensed as I thought about what that meant.

"My three favorite girls!" Carlisle exclaimed, removing me from my panicked state as he glided into the kitchen. He was always very protective of me and it made me smile as I remembered all the guys he and Charlie would scare off during high school.

"Hey Carlisle!" I said giving him a tight hug. He kissed my forehead and moved to embrace Alice.

We spent the next five minutes telling Esme and Carlisle about our apartment and college life. I'd missed them so much that it felt good to just relax and have a normal conversation for once.

There was a knock at the door and suddenly four voices filled the room.

I turned my head and smirked as I saw a new comer's hand snagged in between my brother's.

"Hey Rosalie" I said, as Emmett's "nurse" gave me a hug. I couldn't believe that they were already on "meet the parents" level. Emmett was also really close to Esme and Carlisle, almost more than he was our own parents, so having him bring Rosalie over for our monthly dinner meant he was serious.

I smiled as I watched Emmett look at Rosalie. It was loving and soft. Definitely not my brother. Almost immediately I was pulled from my gaze as Jasper entered the kitchen… with Edward trailing behind.

"Hey boys" Carlisle yelled as he and Emmett retreated to the television for a game. Jasper walked across the room and grabbed Alice by the waist making her squeal while Rosalie left to help Esme with the food.

I felt the hairs on my body curl upwards as I faced Edward.

"Hey" I said awkwardly. His amber eyes gazed into mine and for a minute he didn't say anything.

"Hi" he finally said placing his hands in his front pockets. His arms flexed and I could see the muscle beginning to trail down his toned biceps. If I wasn't so nervous, it would've annoyed me how easily he took my breath away.

"Edward can you grab me the wine from the fridge." Esme called nonchalantly, turning towards our direction.

"Yeah sure mom" he said, not even bothering to look at me as he walked away.

I sighed as I made my way towards Alice. I knew I had a long night ahead of me.

"So Emmett, where did you meet Rose?" Esme asked softly as she slid a bowl of mashed potatoes in his direction.

"She was my nurse" he said quickly through mouthfuls of food. "You know, after the accident." I frowned at his lack of manners. But then again, I guess it didn't matter if Rosalie had already accepted him enough to be sitting next to him while he ate.

"Oh how's your leg?" said Carlisle.

"It's fine. Sore, but the doc says I should be good in another four weeks." He replied rubbing his knee.

"You wouldn't have gotten into the accident if it weren't for that stupid motorcycle." I snapped, rolling my eyes at him.

Emmett only smiled as he shoveled another heaping of food into his mouth.

"I can't help it Bells. I love my ride. And you know what they say about love…"

"What?" I asked returning his smile.

"That you can't hide from it, especially when it sits across the table from you." He said, glancing at Edward.

Edward and I both choked on our food at Emmett's sly remark. I gave him a serious glare and kicked Jasper under the table who was practically turning red from holding back his laughter.

"Love also makes you do stupid things." I said, tapping my head with my index finger. I was still upset with Emmett for being so reckless and not to mention sprinkling the table with cryptic messages for all to ponder.

"You would know." He said winking at me.

I rolled my eyes in frustration and continued to eat my food. We were going to have to have a serious talk after dinner.

Esme cleared her throat after frowning at Emmett and I and redirected her attention towards me.

"So Bella have you met anybody at school?" she said, moving her eyebrows up and down.

I glanced up to answer her but not before noticing Edward's head snap in my direction.

"No." I said shaking my head.

"Oh come on Bella, there must be someone that interests you. You can't be that preoccupied with your studies, " she said smiling.

"She's preoccupied alright", I heard Emmett chuckle from across the table. Out of the corner of my eye, I still could see Edward staring at me.

"No, really" I said clearing my throat. How this conversation ended up circulating around me, I had no clue. "There's nobody." I lied. This time my eyes stretched across the table to meet Edward's. He glanced at me momentarily before turning his head. He looked angry and hurt…and sexy and gorgeous all at the same time. It was frustrating.

"Well I'm sure you'll find someone soon." Esme said reassuringly as she began to get on Emmett for his lack of manners.

My head swirled as I listened to the pointless conversation that surrounded the table. Sometime throughout the dinner my thoughts were interrupted by Alice's loud shrills.

"It's snowing!!" she yelled pointing to the window.

Sure enough white specks were beginning to blanket the night air.

"That's…crazy" Rosalie said, walking over to the window. "It's snowing…in Forks…and it was just over eighty degrees yesterday."

I pulled my eyes from the window and frowned. Although it _was_ mid October, it was way to early to be snowing.

Esme had already made it to the kitchen plasma and was snapping at the remote until she made it to the weather channel. We all stood and listened as the weatherman warned of the severe snowstorm that was expected to sweep through during the night.

Twenty minutes later, the foundations of the house could be heard moaning as strong winds blasted through the air. The snow had picked up and soon there was nothing but white windows and white grass.

"Well you all are definitely not driving home in that." Carlisle said quickly as he turned on the fireplace.

"Yes, you guys can just spend the night and leave in the morning when the weather clears up." Esme quickly agreed, giving Emmett a tight squeeze who looked rather disappointed. He hated the bad weather just as much as I did.

"I'll go get the rooms ready." She said as she turned towards the staircase.

"I'll go get blankets and we can watch a movie" Alice said as she hopped down from the kitchen counter. A bright smile crossed her face and I could tell she was excited.

"Oh don't sweat it Emmett," she said, giving him a playful pat on the back. "It'll be just like old times when we would all sleep over. Oh and plus we have Rosalie now."

He smiled weakly as he went to help Alice get the blankets. I laughed slightly at the sight. Even in high school short, quirky Alice had always been the one to calm Emmett down. It was rather amusing.

"You guys used to have sleepovers?" Rosalie laughed as she looked at me.

"Yah," I replied, "All the time. You're in for a treat." I said, giving her a wink as I thought back to countless weekends at the Cullen's house. Alice and Emmett would argue over what movie to watch. Jasper would make nasty concoctions in the kitchen only to get scolded by Esme. And Edward and I would sit back and laugh at it all, content in our own world. My stomach quickly churned as I realized that not only would things between Edward and I not be the same tonight, but probably for a long time to come.

"Oh crap.." Esme said, gliding down the stairs. "I forgot that I'm renovating two of the guest rooms upstairs. You guys will just have to pair up. Alice, you and Rose can take the first room, Emmett and Jasper can share and then….Edward and Bella." She said nonchalantly.

My heart sped as I realized the compromising situation I had just been placed in. Then I panicked as Edward's eyes once again flickered in my direction.

**I see some sexual tension in the next chapter and maybe some confessions! What about you? Review!!**


	8. Fifteen Years

**Okay I couldn't help but to snow them in. The chase is dwindling and I need to conclude soon before I pull my own hair out. They will tell each other soon I promise!!! I already have the scene in my head. Just keep reading… I'll catch you at the bottom.**

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT **

**EPOV**

I could hear Jasper's hidden laughter as Esme proclaimed that Bella and I would be sharing a room.

Our eyes met at the same time, and I wasn't sure what I saw in hers.

It didn't surprise me that Esme had grouped Bella and me together. We had been best friends for so long that my parents had grown comfortable with our relationship. She had slept in my room countless times when she was really supposed to be sleeping over with Alice. Hell, she practically lived in my apartment now. There was as much stuff of hers in my room as there was mine.

"Okay, let's watch Bride Wars." Alice said as she descended from the stairs, Emmett running quickly behind her.

"Definitely not." He said shaking his head as he laced his fingers with Rosalie's.

"Don't start." I said folding my arms around my chest and leaning against the fridge.

"What," Alice said playfully. "Everyone wants to watch it, I don't see why not."

"Speak for yourself!" Jasper yelled from the couch, receiving a death glare from Alice.

I tuned them out as my thoughts whirled around Bella. I stole a glance in her direction to see her smiling at Emmett and Alice as they continued on with their antics. She looked...beautiful. Her long mahogany hair was pulled into a loose ponytail, allowing small flyaway hairs to trail along her face. Her cheeks held that small natural glow that I loved so much and her eyes pierced their way through everything and anything. It was times like this when I hated myself for not telling her how I felt. I wanted so much to wrap her in my arms, or kiss her, or simply hold her hand in mine. I wanted to touch her just for the sake of touching her.

I didn't even care that I was staring… or that Esme was watching me stare. I was having a hard enough time not jumping across the counter to just feel Bella's breath against mine. My head began to hurt as I thought about sleeping next to her later on. Having her that close. I would combust.

"Edward did you hear me." Esme said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Help me grab the plates from the table."

******************************************************

**BPOV**

"So let's play scrabble" Jasper called, as he climbed off the couch.

Within a few minutes we were all conveniently strewed across the living room floor, deciphering between which words we wanted to dominate with.

"Okay," Emmett laughed as he turned his gaze to me. "I'll go first."

Slowly the word SECRET arranged themselves in the center of the board. I frowned at him as he continued to smile at me but otherwise shrugged him off as I leaned to place the remaining letters of CRANE around his C.

The first round continued as EGG, RACK, RIGHT, and CREDIBLE were strewed across the board. Finally it was Emmett's turn again and I cringed as he strategically placed his new word next to his last. Suddenly the only two words that popped out to me were **SECRET LOVERS**. And as the game continued I wasn't surprised to find that LUST, ADMIRER, and also LOVE blanketed the checkered board courtesy of Emmett.

I sent him death glares as I realized that he wasn't going to stop anytime soon. I quickly glanced around the group to see if anyone else had noticed his selective vocabulary. Sure enough, Alice and Jasper were turning red from hidden laughter while Rosalie simply looked confused. I dared my eyes in Edward's direction, but he seemed lost in his own thoughts and was barely paying attention to the game. As I let out a breath of relief, his eyes caught mine and easily held them for what seemed like forever.

"Earth to Bella" Alice called, flinging her small fingers in my face and snapping me out of my trance. "It's your turn."

I blushed as Emmett and Jasper continued to laugh. After Alice and I went, Edward reached over to place the last of his chips on the board. Suddenly Rosalie grabbed his arm and lifted his sleeve from his left bicep.

"You have a tattoo!" she squealed as she hopped up to closer examine the numbers I knew all to well. "I'm dying to get one. What do the numbers mean?"

I cringed as his eyes shot in my direction. But of course, before he could even mutter a word, Emmett's idiotic voice projected through the room.

"Oh Edward is really into symbols." He said pointing to his arm, "See that number represents the number of times a day Edward here thinks about Be--"

"Emmett!" Alice screamed before he could continue on with humiliating me. My heart was pounding as my eyes darted towards Edward's. He looked annoyed and confused as he raised a brow in my direction.

"What?" Rosalie said, releasing Edward's arm and glancing towards Emmett and Jasper who were conveniently seizing with uncontrolled laughter.

"Nothing." Edward said, still frowning at Emmett. He quickly pulled his sleeve back down, shading my numbers from view and continued on with his turn.

As the game continued I tried not to let it bother me that Edward hadn't told Rosalie the truth behind the tattoo. The idea that he might be ashamed or regretful of it made me sick to my stomach. My mind raced through the possibilities as my fingers nervously drummed across the carpet. Adrenaline was rushing through my body so fast that for a second I thought it the beginnings of a panic attack.

I looked around the room to find Edward leaning against a nearby love chair, arms folded across his chest, looking directly at me. I darted my eyes in another direction and continued drumming.

After about half another fifteen minutes of reading Emmett's sexual innuendos, the game finally ended. Emmett, no doubt the winner. I officially hated my brother.

I immediately requested that we watch the movie once I heard Emmett contemplating between Never Have I Ever and Truth or Dare. I could just see it now…_never have I ever fallen in love with my best friend_...or better yet _never have I ever lived a lie. _I'd be out within minutes.

****************************************************************

I think I fell asleep after only the first half hour of Bridewars. Much to Emmett's disappointment, we had all clambered into the living room to watch the movie. I don't know if it was actual drowsiness that pulled me under or the concept of best friends and marriage, but I was surprised to find Edward waking me after what only seemed like a minute.

My heart sped.

"Come on Bells, lets go upstairs." He said softly nudging my shoulder. The anxiety from yesterday was gone from his voice.

"Okay." I said, as I looked in the dark room to find that we were the only two left.

I clumsily made my way to the stairs, Edward never to far behind. Cringing as I embarked towards the first step, I began to climb. I was already an incompetent walker…and it was dark. I turned to ask Edward to lead the way but not before my right foot lost its grip on the stair and slid from under me, sending me on my back while knocking out Edward's left leg like a bowling pin. Skidding down two steps, his arm instinctively grabbed my waist while the other held on to the rail above my head for support. When we finally came to a stop, I found myself wedged in between the hard cold steps and the soft but rock hard folds of his chest. His leg was entwined with mine and something hard was pressing against my stomach. My heart sped and I was awoken from my drunken slumber as my senses zoned in on him.

"Are you okay" he whispered as his hand moved to cradle the back of my neck from the uncomfortable position it had fallen into. His face was so close that I could feel the bridge of his nose tap the bridge of mine. And I could swear his eyes shifted from my eyes to my lips more than once.

"Yeah…sorry" I stuttered as he continued to bathe my face with his breath. I could hear my own irregular breathing, which sent my nerves into overdrive. He made no initiative to move and to be quite honest I couldn't figure out why... but then again I didn't really care. His breathing eventually deepened and he just stared. So I did the only natural thing I could think of…I stared back.

Suddenly my eyes unlocked from his and shot upward as someone emerged from a bathroom at the top of the stairs. I braced myself once I realized who it was.

" Well" chuckled Emmett wiping his hands on a towel as he leaned over the railing. "Guess you guys just couldn't make it up the stairs. It's a shame," he said pointing down, "you only had a few more steps to--."

"Good night Emmett!" I snapped as Edward laughed softly into my hair.

Pulling me up, he whispered, "Maybe I should lead the way."

I nodded nervously as he grabbed my hand.

***********************************************************

I sat on the bed breathing heavily. So this wasn't working. Just smelling Edward sent me over the edge. After the batting cage incident all I wanted to do was show him that he was wrong… that I did still need him. That I was trying. But this wasn't what I had expected. I mean for fifteen years I had dealt with my desires but now that I had come so close to exposing them, it was different. In all honesty, it just wasn't good enough anymore. As much as I loved him, it just wasn't good enough. I wanted more than friendship and for once, I didn't want to settle. I didn't deserve to settle. I deserved to be with him. I wanted all of Edward. Bits and pieces just wouldn't do anymore. It was pure insanity to keep pretending.

I wiped the pointless tears from my eyes and moved to grab one of his shirts from the dresser. Once I was wrapped in the scent of him from his t-shirt, which was surely not putting my stomach to ease, I silently slid into bed. Ten minutes later the sheets raddled and I felt the vibrations of his body sink beside mine.

"Bella," he whispered.

I stared into the dark, afraid to move. I knew he would just pester me about our friendship. A friendship that I couldn't handle anymore. So I didn't say anything.

"Bella, are you sleep?" he said again, inching towards me in the darkness. I could feel his breath against my ear and my cervix immediately reacted by clenching down tight.

After I failed to reply a second time he sighed deeply and there was silence.

*******************************************************************************

**EPOV**

I stared at Bella's unmoving body for a minute before I spoke. My heart pounded as I realized that she was wearing an old jersey of mine. I liked it.

I hadn't talked to her all night-despite our awkward hellos. I just wanted to hear her voice. Especially since I hadn't heard it in so long. When she didn't answer me I assumed her sleep. That was until she got up and left two hours later.

BPOV

After awhile of listening to Edward's sleeping breaths, I couldn't take it anymore. I shook my hair out of its tight ponytail and slowly descended from the bed. How I made it down stairs without falling is still a mystery.

I turned on the lights as I made my way towards the kitchen. I needed comfort food…fast. While searching through Esme's pantry for a minute, I finally found the hot cocoa that I was looking for and went to boil some water. Turning around, I almost had a heart attack as Esme smiled back at me.

"Oh my God Esme, you scared me" I said, placing a hand on my chest.

"Sorry hun, I came to get some tea. What are you doing up? It's two in the morning," she asked, yawning.

"I couldn't sleep." I admitted as I sat on the countertop.

"Oh don't drink that," she said pointing to the cocoa mix that I still held in my hands. "I'll make you some real hot chocolate from scratch."

I rolled my eyes at her hospitality as she rummaged through a nearby cabinet.

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing really." I lied drumming my fingers against the granite.

"So how long have you been in love with my son?" she asked point blank, her back still facing me.

***************************************************************

**EPOV**

After five minutes of contemplating what to do, I slowly made my way downstairs. As frustrated as I was with Bella for not trying and as much as I hated myself for not fighting, I didn't want to lose any quality time with her.

When I turned the corner, I stopped and frowned as I heard my mom's voice. They were talking about me. And even though I knew it was wrong, I couldn't help perching behind the door to listen.

*********************************************************************

**BPOV**

I couldn't do anything but look at Esme as my body froze. I should have known that she would have figured it out sooner or later.

She turned around winking at me.

"Fifteen years." I said, surprising myself. Besides Alice, I hadn't told anybody directly.

She looked at me…I mean truly looked at me and then softly shook her head. Finally when I didn't think my nerves could take anymore, she spoke.

"You know, Carlisle almost married another woman."

"What?" I asked surprised.

"Yep"

"So what happened?" I said smiling. The thought of Carlisle loving any other woman besides Esme was mind blowing to me. I couldn't imagine any one else who was more beautiful or passionate.

"I objected at his wedding." She said in a matter of fact sort of way.

I sat there stunned as I stared at her. I could only imagine the sweet and reserved Esme standing up before a huge crowd of unexpected wedding guests and waving her disapproval.

"You mean like in the movies when they ask for objections and someone raises their hand at the last second? I didn't think you could actually do that."

"Love makes you do crazy things." she said smiling.

My heart unsurprisingly sped up as I took a minute to reply.

"So you think I'm crazy for not telling Edward." I said as I looked at my hands.

I heard her let out a long sigh.

"I'm saying that time wont wait for you Bella. It took me awhile to figure that out. I almost didn't get my happy ending because I was too afraid of being vulnerable. But the ironic thing is," she said as she chuckled to herself, "I ended up putting myself in the most vulnerable position of all."

"I really want to tell him" I said as tears sprang from my eyes. "I just--"

"Shhh" she whispered as she reached over to hug me. "I know."

After a minute of just holding me she stood and looked me in the eyes. "Bella I've watched you and Edward grow in the same direction for years. I've watched you guys experience things in ways that people only wish for. And I've watched you commit to each other in a way that very few married couples know how to do. You guys do have love Bella… And it's not platonic."

"So…how long have you known?" I said whipping my eyes and smiling at her.

"Fifteen years" she said back.

****************************************************************

**I told you its coming together! I must have written 343 versions of this chapter...so review and tell me what you think**


	9. The Truth: Part 1

**Sorry it took me so long!! I just wanted to get this chapter right. I'd played it out so many times in my mind that I had to have it perfect. I also felt this scene deserved 2 parts so part 2 will be up shortly. Hopefully it makes up for the angsty chapters I put you through.I'll catch you at the bottom… **

**EPOV**

I stood in silence as Bella told Esme she loved me. If there were actual words in the English language that could express the amount of emotion I felt at that moment, I don't think it would have been enough.

Before tonight there really hadn't been any reason in my life. I just simply got up in the morning, went to classes, ate, slept. The same monotonous routine that I did over and over again. I carried on with the things in life that I was nonetheless obligated to do. And although I had loved Bella through the years, it up until now served to no fulfillment. But now it was different…my life had meaning.

And as I glanced back into the room I couldn't help but smile as I gazed at my reason.

*********************************************************************

**BPOV**

"I thought it was funny" Alice shrugged as she returned her gaze to the windshield.

"It was definitely not." I said propping my feet up against the dashboard. "None of what Emmett did last night was funny."

It was 5:30 in the morning and we were driving back into Forks from the Cullen's house. Alice had a fitting with some client at nine so I prompted we'd leave as soon as possible. I didn't want to even think about what breakfast would be like with Emmett's unnecessary comments.

My eyes drifted to the white streets as thoughts of Edward lingered in my mind. The roads were already starting to clear up and the taunting heat of Forks was beginning its usual circulation. I sighed as I realized that my usual routine was also about to resume. My talk with Esme, although encouraging, had done little for my situation. I was still harboring love for my best friend and he still didn't know.

I was about to comment on Alice's terrible driving when my phone vibrated. Taking it out of my back pocket, I couldn't help but frown at the caller id. It was a text from Edward. And as I flipped through my phone, I noticed I had several missed phone calls from him too.

"Who is it?" Alice called as she took in my expression.

"Um…Edward…he's been trying to call all morning. I think my phone was on silent though."

"That's weird. I thought you guys weren't talking. What does he want?" she said while switching lanes.

"I don't know it just says to call him ASAP." I shrugged, sinking back into my seat. My mind raked through the many possibilities. I was excited and nervous. Whatever it was it had to be important enough to cause him to call so many times.

"Well, are you going to call him back." Alice asked through wide eyes.

"Yah" I blushed as I dialed his number. Almost immediately a sharp tone filled my ears.

"No service." I said, throwing the phone in the console. "I'll call him when we get back." I yawned and closed my eyes. I clearly did not have the energy to ponder Edward's behavior this early in the morning.

"Right, I'll just drive the next two hours in silence while you sleep. Go ahead, don't worry about me", Alice said sarcastically as I nuzzled deeper into the plush seats of her yellow Porsche.

"Shhh" I said drowning out the sounds of her voice and focusing on the rhythmic drum of the road. I was out within seconds.

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**EPOV**

I frantically checked my watch for the third time. My hands began to hurt from drumming against the countertops as I waited for Jasper to get out of the shower.

"Jasper, come on!!!" I said pounding on the door.

"I'll be out in a minute Cullen! Chill out!!" he screamed back.

I flipped my phone open and searched through the call history. Still nothing.

"Five minutes!!!!" I yelled before hopping out the door and into my car.

I was so anxious and nervous that I couldn't think straight. Even though the dashboard read 6 a.m., I couldn't help but feel as though time was running out.

I think it had been for a while.

I pulled my phone out and called her again.

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**BPOV**

Stretching my arms, I slowly opened my eyes to the bright light that was trickling through my window.

I quickly glanced at the time. It was a little over 9:00. I barely remembered tripping up the stairs to the apartment or slumping down into my bed as soon as I had gotten the door open.

I glanced out my window before I made my way into the kitchen. Sure enough, Forks had returned to its normal blazing self within hours. It always killed me how strange the weather worked here. What you thought was a sunny day was always just the calm before the storm. It was funny how closely life also seemed to work in that way.

Before I could decide what I wanted for breakfast, my phone began to beep.

I stood in shock as I opened it.

37 missed calls. 18 text messages. All from Edward.

_Crap_. I panicked as I remembered I had forgotten to call him back. Quickly dialing his number, I plopped onto the couch and brushed my fingers through my hair.

I frowned as it immediately went to voicemail. I tried his house phone, but to no avail. Slowly panic was creeping in as all the scenarios bombarded my head. Why had he called so many times and why wasn't he answering his phone now? What if something had happened?

_Hey it's Edward. Here comes the beep, you know what to do. _

I quickly began talking once the initial beep of the message machine signaled.

"Hey Edward, it's Bella. Sorry it took me so long to call you back. We had no service and then I fell asleep…Please call me and tell me everything is okay." I trailed on..

I glanced out the window one last time before wrapping up the message.

"You know what I'll uh…. just come over. My car is in the shop so I'll have to jog over there but it shouldn't take me long. I'll be there in fifteen."

Pressing the off button, I ran into my room to throw on a pair of yoga pants and light jacket. After locking the door and leaving a message for Alice, I quickly began my jog to Edward's.

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**EPOV**

"Damn traffic!" I said as we finally wheeled into the entrance of my apartment complex. My phone had eventually died from calling Bella so many times and I was beginning to think my revelation had come a little to late.

"Edward it's like 9:00 in the morning. Bella is probably sleeping like I should be" whined Jasper from the passenger seat.

"Yah maybe." I said climbing out of the car, "I'll see you later."

Jasper lived two doors down from me so I didn't bother giving him any other sort of formal goodbye.

As soon as I walked into the apartment I flew to the flashing message machine. Breathing a sigh of relief, I pushed play and listened to the message Bella had left not even ten minutes prior.

"Hey Edward, it's Bella. Sorry it took me so long to call you back. We had no service and then I fell asleep…Please call me and tell me everything is okay."

There was a long pause.

"You know what I'll uh….just come over. My car is in the shop so I'll have to jog over there but it shouldn't take me long. I'll be there in fifteen."

My heart sped as I glanced at the kitchen clock. 9:08.

_Seven more minutes_ I thought as I pulled my shirt over my head. I was getting sweaty just anticipating seeing her.

I would confess my true love in a matter of minutes…in a matter of seven short minutes.

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**BPOV**

_This had better be important_, I thought as I sprinted through the rain. Sure enough, five minutes into my run, it had started to down pour. Squinting, I turned the corner that marked the last two streets until Edward's apartment complex.

I was tired and drenched and scared out of my mind.

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**EPOV**

I almost ran to the door when I heard a soft knock. Rolling my eyes, I sighed once I realized who it was.

"What Lauren" I snapped as a familiar pair of bright blue eyes looked up at me.

"Well that's some hefty greeting." She said pushing her way through the door.

I did not have time for this.

"I'm sorry Lauren, but this is a really bad time." I frowned as I thought about what I had said. "In fact, it is always going to be a bad time." I amended, " I told you six months ago that I had no feelings for you, yet here you are...again."

I know I was being an ass but I couldn't help it. I was tired of random girls thinking they had some sort of hold on me and showing up at awkward times. It was beyond irritating. And this was Lauren's third visit.

"Ouch," she said rolling her eyes, " I actually just came here for our project disc. No need to get testy." She flashed me one of her dirty smiles and licked her lips as her eyes wondered up and down my chest. Disgusting.

"Alright, then you're gone." I said, rummaging through my bag.

But my hands froze as another soft knock caressed the door.

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**BPOV**

Dripping wet, I made it to Edward's apartment. I pulled my jacket off over my head and leaned it against the railing.

The door finally opened and I was face to face with him. His hair was in it's usual disheveled mess and his chest was bare revealing his usual toned abs. It didn't seem like anything was wrong with him. In fact, he looked completely fine.

"Hey," I said out of breath. "What's wrong?"

"Bella your soaked." He said grabbing my arm and pulling me into his apartment.

"Yah… it was raining." I said frowning as my eyes trailed to the skinny blonde in the room.

"What did you want?" I said suddenly furious. This was the second time I had walked in on him with another girl and it was doing just wonders for my self-esteem.

"I wanted to talk to you." He said, running his hands through his hair. He looked nervous.

"Really?" I said incredulously as my eyebrows raised towards her direction. Here I was, actually thinking something had happened to him, and here he was obviously having fun with Ms. Barbie . It also didn't help that he was without a shirt with said Barbie.

"Eddie, I'll see you later," the blonde whispered wedging her way through us. When I heard the door slam shut, my eyes darted back to his.

"_Eddie_?" I said rolling my eyes. I slumped down on his couch to try and remove my shoes. I didn't even care that I was getting his suede love seat wet. I was beyond pissed.

"What's wrong with you?" He said inching towards me.

"Nothing." I said while struggling to get my shoe off. Arguing with him was pointless. He didn't get it. And I was beginning to think he never would.

"Bella, we need to talk. I can't keep doing this," he said bending down on his knees so that he was eye level with me. I broke from his gaze and continued trying to untie my soaked shoestrings.

"Doing what?" I spat as my hands endlessly fumbled through the knots that entangled the laces. Frustration curled through my body as I tugged and pulled. Not only was I fighting tears, but my sanity was also at risk of slipping through the tight seams I had tied it in.

Suddenly I felt Edward's hand swat at mine as he raised my leg to his knee and effortlessly pulled my shoe off. I couldn't help but to stare at his muscular hands as he worked on the second one. I could feel his eyes on me but I refused to look at him. His hands were doing a fine job enticing me on their own. Adding his piercing eyes to that would have only sent me further into his crippling trance and for some reason I wanted to stay angry. Just this once.

"Bella look at me." He sighed after a few seconds.

"You cant keep doing what?" I asked nervously, still staring at his hands.

"Pretending." He said, lifting my chin so that I was forced to look into his amber eyes. It bothered me that I couldn't figure out what I saw in them.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about Bella," he said suddenly positioning himself onto his feet so that he was hovering right over me. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"No I don't Edward," I said standing up. "I don't understand anything about you lately."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that one minute your kissing me and then the next minute Tanya…and now Lauren." I screamed so fast that I didn't even notice I was dancing dangerously close to the thin line I'd created between best friends and lovers-- or whatever it was that lied on the other end. I was mad and he was oblivious. And I was breaking.

"What are you talking about" he said cocking his head to the side, " I didn't kiss Tanya…or Lauren for that matter."

"I saw you kiss Tanya at Heather's party and Lauren was just over here," I said shaking my head.

"Nooo" he said stepping closer to me. "What you saw was _Tanya_ shoving her drunken tongue down my throat."

"It doesn't matter," I said looking away.

"Yes it does matter," he said advancing still, "and if I'm not mistaken, you were also pretty busy at the party grinding on Mr. Smiles ."

He took yet another step closer to me, causing my back to bump against the wall in retreat. I shivered as his body heat curled around my soaked clothing.

"You don't know what you're talking about" I said through gritted teeth.

"And neither do you."

I could tell he was getting angrier by the minute and as much as I wanted to return the anger, I couldn't help fall victim to the wave of hurt that passed through my body.

For a minute there was nothing but silence. He stared at me breathing heavily and I did the same.

Suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore.

"It didn't mean anything to you, did it?" I whispered as traitorous tears spilled down my face. As soon as the words came out, I regretted them. Because this was it. After waiting fifteen painful years, this was it. The road was coming to a cold stop. And although I was relieved that I was removing myself from this ride, I began to wonder if coasting in neutral would have been the better option as I watched his expression do a complete 180.

I didn't have to wait long before his lips crashed down on mine. My breathing hitched as his body pinned me further against the wall. Indulging in his body heat, I entangled my hands in his hair and I could feel my waist singe under his warm chest. His tongue slipped through my lips causing a soft moan to part into his.

I slowly pulled away. I honestly didn't think I'd have the strength to, but the idea of this just being a repeat of my birthday sent my rational in overdrive. I needed to know how he felt. Kissing obviously didn't hold the same universal meaning I once thought it did.

"What are you-" I tried to say but was immediately sucked back into the pleasure of his lips as they grasped hungrily at mine.

"Edward, what does this mea-" I tried again.

This time it was his hands wrapping about my lower calf, hiking it around his waist that interrupted my train of thought.

"It means that I'm in love with you Isabella Swan" he said through cracked lips.

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**Okay there you go!! I'm not sure if part 2 will contain a lemon, but it definitely won't disappoint. Review and tell me what you think!**


	10. The Truth: Part 2

**Again, sorry it took me long! I've had AP testing all week! But I am very excited about this chapter, although I do have to tell you that writing lemons is not easy. It's very awkward, actually. So if its not as graphic as you're used to, my apologies. I wanted it to be more sensual than anything, especially since it's their first time. Okay read and tell me what you think!! I'll catch you at the bottom.**

**SM OWNS….**

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**BPOV**

"What?" I whispered against his lips.

"I love you." He said pulling away so that our foreheads were touching.

"Say it again."

"I love you." He said once more, a smile taking flight across his face.

"One more time." I replied, my own face parting into a wide grin.

This time he laughed before his lips caught mine in a kiss that was by far the most breath taking of them all.

"I love you Bella."

"I love your smile." _Kiss._

"I love your laugh." _Bigger kiss._

"I love your lips." _Huge kiss._

"I love the way you yawn when you're nervous. I love the way you giggle at pointless commercials that are _not_ funny. I love the way you order a double whopper with everything on it only to end up eating it plain. I love the way you crinkle your nose when you're deep in thought. But most importantly…" he said, pausing long enough to kiss me once more.

"I love the way you make me feel."

And with that my lips reacted.

"Me too." I stuffed in between kisses. "I mean, I love you to."

He smiled slightly before his lips returned to mine. "I know."

Our kisses, if possible, turned more passionate by the second. Before I knew it, he was carrying me to his bedroom. I felt my back fall against his comforter as I broke away to breath. I pulled off my soaked shirt, exposing my sports bra as Edward kneeled on top of me to meet my lips. Seconds later I shivered as I felt soft pecks cascade down my neck and into the crane of my collarbone.

Sparks flew through my fingers as they ran down his toned chess. It was as if my senses had been lying dormant anticipating this moment. My breathing hitched as I felt everything zone into him, mounting with every passing minute. I could hear his shallow breaths on my skin, feel his soft mouth as it teased at every nerve, taste him on my lips, smell his sweet aroma at every inch of my body, all while watching his body rise and sink at every dip of my anatomy…

My hands wondered his body as we gained momentum. I stopped at his jeans and began to unfasten the buttons. One. By. One. My hands moved to his waistband and tugged slightly. I felt Edward's lips draw into a smile and within seconds they were gone. My hairs stood on end as his hands traveled to my sports bra. I lifted my arms and it too was gone. My heart sped as his hands began to untie the drawstring of my pants.

"Are you sure?" he whispered, his breathing short and quick but ceaseless along my skin. My mind flew to the meadow as I realized that this was the second time he'd asked me that question.

"Yes…I love you" I said craning my neck to kiss him softly on the lips. "I want you." My lips structured themselves around his but stopped moving, allowing his scent to filter in and out of my mouth. "Now." I whispered, my eyes fluttering close in arousal.

He smiled and closed the short distance between our lips.

Hovering over me, his hands trailed along my bare midriff.

"So beautiful..." He whispered, leaving a small kiss in the basin of my breasts.

After a few minutes of indulging in his gentle touches, I glanced down, noting that my legs were now bare. I lifted a leg and slowly wrapped it around Edward's. My body was no longer damp from the rain, but rather damp with anticipation. My feet curled as I felt his body descend down mine.

"I love you." he whispered between breaths and I felt his lips tug at the edge of my underwear. Slowly he pulled them away, leaving me bare and anxious.

"I love you" I replied, grabbing at his hips, my hands fumbling at the edge of his briefs. Gradually I felt his warm skin replace the cotton fabric that was now slipping through my fingers.

As he stretched against me to kiss my lips I felt his arousal brush my area of bundled nerves. I whispered his name against his lips and moaned.

Feeling his body slide through my grasp, I looked down to find him positioning himself. I let my head roll to the pillow beneath me, relaxing my neck as my breathing quickened. Slowly I felt him maneuver into my entrance. I jerked at the intrusion, but immediately relaxed as his body curled into mine, his hands feathering at my waist. My back arched as I felt his manhood dilate my weakened walls. He fit perfectly.

With growing rhythm, my body tensed and simmered and I could feel myself close to the pleasurable peak. A peak I had never experienced…until now.

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**EPOV**

I smiled as I listened to the rhythmic sounds of Bella's breathing beside me. Immediately my mind flew to previous hours. I knew I hadn't been a virgin prior to Bella, but it felt as though making love to her was my first time. Her skin against my lips, the soft moans I elicited through her body…She made me fill alive in ways that I didn't know possible. It was all coming back three folds now as I felt Bella yawn under the sheets. I kissed the back of her neck and pulled her closer to my body, indulging in her sweet scent. I wanted it to be like this for the rest of my life. I wanted to wake up next to Bella every morning, her body nestled into mine, and know that everything was okay. Because everything was okay whenever I was with Bella.

"Edward?" I heard her whisper.

"Yes, love" I replied, kissing her neck once more. Really, I could've taken her then and there for the second time, but there was something more appealing in just having her in my arms.

She turned around so that she was facing me. I tightened my grip on her as she lightly kissed my lips.

"I love you." She said, smiling my favorite cheesy grin.

My body reacted before my head and I was on top of her within seconds. I smiled as she giggled from underneath me.

"I love you." I said as I kissed her. And as our kissed deepened I began to think that I'd never be able to stop. I'd lie in bed with Bella all week if I could. Just to feel her skin against mine made me react in ways that sent my body racing.

"I'm beginning to _love_ the way that sounds." She said before kissing me again.

Glancing up at the clock, I sighed in annoyance. It was 10:20 and I had to be at work at 11:15. And it took at least twenty minutes just to get there.

"Stay" she whispered, noticing my distress.

"I wish I could." I said against her lips.

"Then stay." She said back, smiling, grabbing my waist.

"I have to work."

"Don't go." She whispered before she deepened our kiss.

"Bella…" I moaned when she finally let me breath.

"Mhmm?"

"I have to go."

"Okay," she said smirking, "Go." She gave me one last kiss and leaned back onto the pillow smiling at me.

I looked down at her and hesitated. After a minute, I finally dismounted off of her and headed towards the bathroom.

"What are you doing today?" I asked, grabbing clothes from my dresser.

"Uh, I don't have class so I'll probably go back to my apartment and work on my book."

I looked back at her and smiled. She was leaning on her elbow, her body entwined in my sheets. She looked beautiful.

"You can work on it here if you want." I said, closing my dresser.

"Here?" she asked yawning.

"Yah, use my laptop. I'll be home at 5:00 and we can go out to eat…and talk about things."

I watched as she draped a sheet around her torso and climbed out of bed.

"Okay." She said seconds later, wrapping her arms around my waist and craning her neck so that she could look at me.

"I'll be back before you know it." I said kissing her forehead.

"Okay" she said again, biting her lip. I frowned as I gave her one last hug. She only bit her lip when she was worried about something. What she had to worry about right now, I didn't know.

"Come take a shower with me." I said, kissing her fingertips.

And with that, I made love to Bella for the second time.

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**BPOV**

I plopped on the couch and watched Edward gather his things around the apartment. I was still high off of him from this morning and as I watched the muscular contours of his body arch and flex over and over again I wondered _if_ and _when_ I'd ever come down.

"Okay," he said from the door. "I'll be back soon." Giving me one last smile, he walked out.

I made my way to the kitchen and pulled out a glass. Before I had a chance to open the fridge, the front door suddenly burst open.

"Edward?" I asked, wheeling around the corner to find him racing towards me, keys in hand. "Did you forget something?"

"Yah", he said advancing still. "This". His arm wrapped around my waist as he seared my lips with a passionate kiss. I giggled at his eagerness but nonetheless melted at his touch.

"I love you Bella." He said turning towards the door once more.

I stood in silence as my lips inevitably curled into a smile. Those three small words seemed to say so much more every time they were spoken.

This was it. This is what I had waited for for fifteen years. So why was I so nervous?

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The rest of the day trailed on at no particular speed. I worked on the book I was writing for hours on end, but as usual to no avail. I had started writing in middle school. Short stories here and there…nothing special. In fact I had almost given up on it all together until the day I walked in on Edward reading one. Much to my disapproval, he stayed up all night in my room finishing it in one sitting. I remember loving the feeling I got every time he laughed or commented on anything I wrote. So much that years later, here I was, majoring in journalism and writing my first book.

But as the day deepened, so did my nervousness. My thoughts lingered through what had happened in the past hours: the run…the heated fight….the heated _sex_… And now here I was, my back arched against his couch, wondering profusely what exactly we were. I know I was overreacting, but for some reason I needed to know that he wasn't going anywhere. Or rather, I needed to know that this was real. Because I was beginning to realize that once your dreams came true, your rational and sense of reality also conveniently kicked into overdrive.

I glanced at the clock as it rounded 5:30. Stretching, I stumbled to the kitchen to see if there was anything worth making. Surprisingly Edward kept his apartment well stocked.

Thirty minutes later, my forehead glistened with sweat as I stirred the second batch of noodles I had prepared. I sighed as I realized that they too were beginning to stick to the bottom of the pot.

Despite the fact that I knew I could _not _cook, I had deluded myself into thinking that I could whip up dinner and dessert in no time. After Edward called and said he would be home late, I decided to surprise him with whatever was simmering in the pot next to me. Or rather, I decided to keep myself busy so that I wouldn't go crazy with anxiety.

Giving up on the noodles, I made my way to the counter where flour blanketed the entire surface. I looked down at the lump of dough that was supposed to be chocolate chip and began spooning it onto the cookie sheet.

I cringed as I heard the front door open. "Bella?" I heard Edward say.

I let out a deep breath of frustration that sent flour circulating everywhere.

"In here!"

I turned to see Edward walking into the kitchen, fighting back a smile.

"What are you doing?" he asked looking as though he was going to combust into laughter at any second.

"Making you dinner." I replied, frowning at the cookie dough that was currently liquefying in front of me. I was pretty sure it was not supposed to do that.

"Since when do you cook?" he said, wrapping his hands around my waist and kissing my neck.

"I cook all the time." I lied, wheeling around so that I could kiss him properly. I smiled as I sunk into him, indulging in the taste of peppermint lingering in his mouth.

"Oh really?" he said, smiling against my lips.

"Yah taste one," I said, leaning back to hand him a cookie that was already done.

He smiled and bit into it. Almost immediately I watched his face retreat in discomfort.

"What?" I asked, panicked. "What's wrong?"

"Uh, nothing it's great," he said lifting the cookie into the air, and flashing me an unconvincing smile.

"It sucks doesn't it?" I said throwing the spatula into the sink and leaning against the counter.

"No, no, no." he said grabbing my hand. "Really, they're good." I watched as he slowly bit into it again. This time there was no hiding the look of disgust that trickled on to his face as he struggled to chew.

"You like it?" I asked incredulously, folding my arms across my chess and smiling.

"Yeah there good."

Watching him play along was quite amusing although I didn't see why he just didn't tell me they sucked and get it over with. But if he wanted to play, so would I.

"Then eat the whole thing." I said, raising an eyebrow.

I watched in horror as he stuck the whole thing into his mouth and swallowed.

"See…yum" he said rubbing his stomach.

"mmhh," I said dipping my finger in the remaining cookie dough batter.

"You don't think it's too sweet?" I asked inserting my finger into his mouth. I stifled back a laugh as he flinched at the concoction and shook his head no.

"You don't think it's too salty?" I asked again, hovering another finger over his mouth. This time I playfully smudged the dough across his bottom lip all the way down to his chin.

I felt his hand wrap around my waist and giggled.

"I was trying to be nice." He laughed as he gathered a handful of dough in his other hand.

"You wouldn't" I whispered as he leaned in closer.

Before I knew it I had wiggled out of his grip and was running from the now advancing mounds of cookie dough soaring in my direction.

"Edward!" I yelled as he grabbed my waist and pinned me down on the couch.

"Apologize". He said as he glided a finger of cookie dough along my collarbone.

"Okay okay," I whispered, grasping for air through fits of laughter.

My body tensed as I felt his tongue rake along my neck, swiping past mounds of dough.

"Okay," he said back.

I looked at him for what seemed like forever before I spoke.

"What are we Edward?"

"Huh?" he said, leaning in to kiss my neck.

"What are we?" I said again, leaning away from his lips.

"Well," he said, propping himself on his elbow. "Seeing as I'm having a hard time letting you go, I'm thinking I need to make you my girlfriend as soon as possible."

"Oh yah," I said, through a wide smile.

"Yep".

"I'm thinking your right." I said leaning in to kiss him.

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Twenty minutes and a hot steamy shower later, we were laying on his sofa, watching our weekly Friday night movie.

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**OKAY!! What did you think…especially of the lemon….was it worth the wait.??? Review!!**


	11. A Cullen Dinner and Overshadowed News

**So things are picking up!! They're together and all is swell. But I don't want you guys to think my story is over. Far from it. Remember, the title is called _Best Friends or Lovers_ and things tend to tilt back and forth when you try to balance such extremes. Oh and there's some new drama…big news…character development…**

**Read on. I'll catch you at the bottom, as always.**

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT.**

**BPOV**

"Wrench."

I pulled my eyes away from the newest chapter I had written and dropped down to hand him one. Hauling myself back onto the kitchen counter, I resumed skimming over the jumbled words I had just typed.

"I almost got it." I heard Edward murmur from under the sink for the third time. I imagined him at work, his tongue jutting out of the corner of his mouth as he wrestled with my broken faucet.

"Okay how does this sound…" I said, reading him a line I had just revised.

"Why with all the metaphors?"

"Too much?" I said, glancing down at his legs, now the only part of his body that was visible from where I sat.

"No, its just your writing never sounds so exaggerated. It doesn't sound like you."

"You're right." I said, busily trailing a line of red ink through the sentence. I fixed it for the fourth time.

"Okay what about now." I said, rereading the same sentence.

"hmm…"

I exhaled a breath of frustration and glanced up at the refrigerator.

"What now?"

"No it's getting better…I liked the last part…but…" he trailed on.

My brow scrunched in irritation. It blew my mind how easily people could spit out books yet here I was struggling with simple sentences.

"Okay, give it another go." He said giving me a thumbs up. I knew he wasn't talking about my story and my hands reflexively moved to turn on the sink for the third time.

Surprisingly, pure, clean water jutted out.

"You're amazing." I said, pausing long enough to let him hear the fruits of his labor.

"I tried to tell you." He said, standing up and whipping his hands off with a towel. I rolled my eyes and returned my attention to my paper, not allowing myself to get trapped in the endless landscapes of his body. My nose crinkled as I wondered how yet another line of cliché had managed to creep on to the page.

I felt Edward bump against my knees and without looking at him, I quickly adjusted so that he could wedge himself in between my legs.

"Bella," he said

"Hmm?" I said, still not looking up. Instead I watched mindlessly as another blotch of red ink swiped through the page.

"Bella" he said again, pulling at the edges of the paper.

I brushed his fingers out of the way and gave him a quick glance before killing another run on sentence.

"Okay, listen to this…"

I started reciting another jumbled paragraph but was immediately silenced by the intrusion of his lips. I smiled and kissed him back. And as our kiss deepened, my legs wrapping around his waist, his hands pulling through my hair, I began to wonder if stopping was an option my body could handle.

Unfortunately, I quickly learned that it was, as Alice picked that precise moment to waltz into the apartment. I smiled into his lips and pulled away. He went back to washing his hands and I went back to editing. It wasn't as if we didn't want anyone to know about our newly found relationship. In fact, we had decided on breaking the news at the next Cullen dinner. I figured it was better that way. It meant that I didn't have to tell the same story fifty-six times and it would give Edward and I a chance to just be without outside pressures.

"Hey Alice." Edward called as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hey guys," she said absentmindedly flipping through some mail. Her eyes quickly darted to the sound of gushing water.

"Edward, thank God, you fixed it!"

"Piece of cake." He shrugged, leaning against the counter.

"Piece of cake, my ass." I murmured as my mind raced through the past two hours of watching Edward fumble his way to success.

He smiled and winked at me.

"Oh Bella, Jacob was asking about you." Alice said, diving into the refrigerator and grabbing a coke.

I pretended to be suddenly immersed in my paper before replying.

"Oh really.." I said, trying to ignore Edward's side-glance in my direction.

"Yeah, he wants to know if you're free Friday night."

Suddenly I was very aware of the tension in the air that Alice was completely oblivious to. Of course she didn't know of our current condition. In fact, I was pretty sure the only reason she even mentioned Jacob in front of Edward was in an attempt to make him jealous. I would have to remind myself to thank her for her "cleverness" later on.

But the fact that Jacob was still trying despite our several terrible "dates" made me feel bad. Apparently I had absentmindedly strung him along in the midst of lusting over my best friend.

I let out a breath of air and flipped to another page.

"I'm not", I said, desperately trying to get this conversation over with.

"Why, what are you doing?" Alice asked, not willing to drop the subject as easily.

"Watching a scary movie at Edward's. Like I do every Friday."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward smile.

"I think Edward here understands," she said, gesturing to him, annoyance ringing in her voice.

"Nope I think _Jacob_ will have to understand." He said, walking over to me and kissing me lightly on the forehead.

"I'll see you guys later." He said, flashing me a crooked smile before walking towards the door.

Alice rolled her eyes and gave me a disapproving look.

"What?" I shrugged, taking a swig of her coke.

"You know what" she said and then left me to contemplate how the hell I was going to rid myself of Jacob Black.

*****************************************************************

The rest of the week went by quick. I spent most of my time at Edward's. Alice asked few questions even though I could tell she didn't exactly believe in our sudden miraculous recovery.

But really, that's what it was. We were better than the old Edward and Bella. The inside jokes continued to roll, but the overall tone of our relationship had changed. And I realize that being in a relationship that was no longer platonic (not that it ever really was) involved a major shift in direction, but it was still something that was hard to explain. It was like opening a secret compartment to something you thought you knew so well.

But then again for so long we had both been holding back. Experiences, although blissful, had always been short lived because they didn't contain every emotion possible.

But now things were different. I was finally able to completely give myself to Edward. Every inch of myself I lied out onto the table each day. And everyday he took it.

******************************************************************

**EPOV**

"I think Alice knows." Bella said, tripping over a pair of shoes as she walked into the bathroom.

"Why?" I asked as I raised the razor back to my neck, shaving away morning stubble.

"The way she looks at me. It's like I have it written on my forehead."

"You probably do." I said laughing at the worried expression on her face and the idea of Bella keeping a secret. She was practically an open book. You knew a lie was forming even before she spoke it.

"What? I think we have been doing a great job at keeping our secret." She retorted

"It doesn't matter, they'll know soon enough". I replied, rinsing the rest of the shaving cream away.

I turned to face her and I couldn't help but stare. She was gorgeous. She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. But that was it. She was gorgeous in _just _jeans and a t-shirt. No makeup, no elaborate hairstyle that I was used to seeing girls wear on campus. Nothing but Bella. And there was something so comforting about that.

"What?" she said leaning against the door, a wisp of her chocolaty hair falling into her face.

I walked over and tucked it neatly behind her ear.

"Nothing I just can't believe how lucky I got." I said more to myself than to her as I found myself, as usual, getting lost in her eyes.

She smiled, brushing her lips against mine. "You are so cheesy."

And maybe I was. But really I couldn't help it. After so many years of just fantasizing about her, it was hard to believe that any of this was real. The fact that I could hold and touch and feel her without crossing any lines was something I was still getting used to.

************************************************************************

Fifteen minutes later, we were in my car on our way to another monthly dinner at my parents.

Bella laughed as she answered her phone, which had begun to vibrate for the second time.

"Alice wants to know where the hell are we." She said smiling at me.

I looked up at the dashboard and noticed that we were indeed twenty minutes later. It seemed as though time flew whenever I was with her.

"We'll be there in ten." I stated confidently.

The rain continued to pour as I pulled into the driveway exactly ten minutes later. I shut the engine off and glanced at Bella who was silently drumming her fingers against the console. Or rather if you looked closely you could see the bare beginnings of Fur Elise sprouting from her fingertips. It still amazed me how she remembered it after all this time. I had taught her just the first measure of the complex song when we were in middle school…almost eight years ago.

I hadn't noticed it at first, but gradually my eyes would drift to the erratic yet dynamic flow of her hand every time she was nervous. After awhile, I recognized what she was doing and it made me smile. At first I thought it was just my ego reacting to the fact that I had taught someone something about music that actually stuck. But as time went on, I began to recognize my reaction towards her habit as more than just pleasure. Because it seemed like even subconsciously we were connected. Even subconsciously Bella thought about me, or at least did things that stemmed from us. And everything about that made me smile.

"Why are you nervous?" I said, placing my hand on top of hers.

"I'm not." She lied giving me a weak smile.

"You're such a bad liar."

"No really," she said, entwining her fingers in mine. "I'm actually kind of excited. I mean this is what I have wanted for so long. It just doesn't feel real, that's all."

I smiled and leaned over to kiss her forehead.

"This is real. I'm not going anywhere."

That seemed to somewhat balance her nerves and before I knew it we were walking hand in hand into my parents foyer.

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**BPOV**

"UGHH. They're here. We can eat." I heard Emmett say as soon as we entered the house.

We rounded into the kitchen, which was alive with the smell of Moroccan food. Emmett, Carlisle, and Jasper were soaring through the air as another person scored another pointless touchdown while Rose and Alice were busily chatting away.

"Oh hey guys what took you so--"

And that's when Esme's eyes fell to our entwined fingers. Her lips curved into a wide smile and she simply nodded.

"Nevermind." She said, returning her attention to the bowl of steaming vegetables in front of her.

I felt Edward chuckle as he squeezed my hand.

_Okay_, I thought, _one down, five more to go._

I wasn't really worried about Alice's reaction. I'm pretty sure she figured it out the moment I decided to hide it from her. Which meant that Jasper also involuntarily knew. And I'm pretty sure that if Esme was in on it the whole entire time, then Carlisle couldn't be that far behind. And of course Emmett knew. So really the only person who would be somewhat surprised was Rosalie, who up until now was probably oblivious to any of our situations. But even while my brain raked through countless rationalizations, I still found myself nervous as ever. Which was weird because these weren't random people who were all suddenly looking at me. They were my family.

"Well it is about…damn…time." I heard Emmett sigh from the sofa once he finally took the time to pry his eyes off of the television.

I smiled and rolled my eyes. I knew he wasn't talking about the fact that he could finally eat now that we were here. And I also knew that that wasn't the only thing I was going to hear from him. He was just getting started.

Jasper gave me a wink as we filed into the kitchen and took our seats.

"So it looks like we have two announcements tonight," Carlisle said as the salad was passed around.

I gave him a questioning look. My eyes darted around the table to everybody who looked just as equally confused until I landed on Emmett and Rosalie. They neither looked confused nor worried. In fact they looked rather happy.

I watched as Rosalie poured Emmett a glass of water. And that's when I saw it.

Suddenly I was hiccupping water all over the place while fighting back colorful words. I felt Edward swat at my back a few times, a worried expression on his face.

"Are you okay?" He asked as I finally maintained enough energy to inhale.

"Emmett can I speak with you." I whispered across the table, ignoring his question.

"Ugh, sure." He said looking almost as uncomfortable as I felt. Rosalie and Edward gave me questioning looks as we excused ourselves and walked towards the foyer.

When I was sure we were out of hearing range, I turned and socked him in the shoulder. Hard.

"One month!" I spat.

"Bella you don't-"

"You proposed to her after only one month. Are you crazy!"

I was on the verge of screaming.

"Bella, I'm happy for you and Edward, why can't you be happy for me?"

"Oh please don't compare you and Rosalie to Edward and I. It's not the same and you know it." I said, holding back laughter, profanity, and screams all at the same time.

"I can't believe how judgmental you're being right now Bells. I would think you of all people would understand how I'm feeling right now."

"You don't even know her Emmett." I spat, running my hands through my hair.

"Yes I do and I want this Bells. I want to settle down and be happy and have kids. Hell, I want to have her kids."

Hearing this come from Emmett's mouth was laughable. My brother was a walking, talking frat boy. One that thought kids were annoying. One that hooked up with random girls all throughout high school. One that was irrational and immature.

"How can you want to have kids with someone you barely know." I said hitting him again. I usually wasn't such a violent person but when it came to my nonsensical brother, I needed as much emphasis as I could get.

"I know that I love her. I know that every time I look at her, I see my future. I know that I love the way she looks at me. I know I love the way I feel when I'm around her. And I know that it hasn't been _fifteen years_ but dammit I know she's the one."

I was taken back by his words. Again, this was not normal dialogue leaking through Emmett's lips. I'd never heard him talk about a girl other than how elongated their legs were or how doable they, themselves were. It was weird. And suddenly I was angry for different reasons entirely.

"Why didn't you tell me? We tell each other everything Emmett. Why am I eating dinner and seeing a ring flicker on her finger? A ring that I knew nothing about."

"I don't know Bell… I just I don't know. And for the record, you didn't tell me about you and Edward either."

I couldn't hide the guilt that was now flooding through my body. And when it came down to it, I was more jealous than anything. It took Emmett, an irrational, boneheaded Emmett, a month to do what took me fifteen years. He confessed his love in a way that meant everything, and Edward and I had just said the three little words.

I know it was childish but I felt way behind. Emmett was doing everything that I couldn't do. And it was pissing me off.

"Are you sure." I said, ignoring his last response.

"What?" he asked glancing towards me with the confused expression that I had grown familiar with.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes." He said. It was a short answer but it held power. It was confident and definite and all the things I wanted to be.

"This is not going to be easy Emmett," I said, my resolve weakening, "And plus I don't even know her. And if I don't like her, then you know it will be hell for y-"

"You know for years, I never understood why Edward would look at you the way he did." He said interrupting me. I frowned and gave him a questioning look.

" I mean don't get me wrong," he quickly advised after seeing my expression, "You're a beautiful girl, and even as your brother I can say that but I never understood until now. I never understood how he could dedicate so much of himself to just one particular person when there were so many other willing girls flocking him."

Again, I gave him a raised brow. He was beginning to piss me off all over again.

"Just listen." He said, grabbing my shoulder.

"But now I get it. I get how he could stay and hang out with you all day instead of going to parties. I understand why he would rather sit in bed with you, risking a cold while you were sick instead of sneaking off with Jasper and me to drink. Bella, Edward did those things, and probably still does those things because he loves you. And when I look at Rose, I see myself wanting to do all those things and more."

"Since when did you become so philosophical?" I said after awhile, hoping to lighten the mood.

"I love her Bella. And I'm doing this." Again, his words were short but final.

"Okay…just go slow." I said. It was the only response that felt like I wasn't giving in. Because really, I completely understood where Emmett was coming from. That craving to be around someone so much that you'd do just about everything and anything. In fact I was probably the walking poster-child for that craving. But as the over competitive sister I also was, I couldn't let him know that.

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**Okay what do you think! I definitely wanted my story to be centered around something big such as a wedding. But I also didn't want it to be predictable. I kind of like the fact that Rosalie has some work to do to be accepted in Bella's eyes. So the next couple of chapters should be interesting. Oh and more Edward/Bella drama of course. Review**


	12. A Key For a Ring

**Okay this chapter was fun to write! Lots of transitions and hopefully funny moments. I hope you don't think my chapters are getting random because I promise they all serve a purpose. Tell me what you think!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight**

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**BPOV**

I rejoined everybody for dinner in a somewhat better mood. No one seemed to notice our little debacle and I silently slid back into my seat, as did Emmett.

"What was that about?" Edward whispered into my ear.

"You'll find out soon enough." I said back, leaning into my chair. Suddenly I wasn't very hungry.

"So what have you kids been up to lately," Carlisle said, snapping me out of my tangled state.

"You know, dad, I think the better question is what have _Edward and Bella _been up to lately." Alice replied, throwing me a knowing look.

I smiled as Edward grabbed my hand from the table and entwined our fingers.

I heard Alice yelp excitingly as he kissed my hand. And past all the current emotions I now held due to Emmett, I still felt my body undeniably flush with nervousness.

"Nothing much." He said, laughing into my wrist.

I rolled my eyes and looked around the table. Carlisle looked pleased, Alice looked like she would pass out with joy at any second, Emmett looked like he was in a whole other world completely, Rosalie looked excited (although I'm not too sure I wanted her smiling at me at that moment), Jasper looked smug, and then there was Esme…

Her gaze met mine and at first we simply smiled. And then I noticed her eyes had begun to sparkle and she pulled away from our small exchange and continued eating.

"Okay okay," Edward said, liking all the attention about as much as I did, "you said there were two announcements. What's the other?"

I cringed as my eyes darted to Emmett and Rosalie.

"Well, Rosalie and I are getting married." Emmett said as clear as day.

After a long period of silence, Alice of course broke it.

"Oh that's so exciting!" she said, clapping her hands together. "You have to let me plan every bit of it…." She trailed on, eliciting smiles throughout the table.

Rosalie flashed me several excited expressions but I barely responded. I was happy for my brother and I did understand that he loved her but I still held my guard up....especially since everybody else was letting theirs down.

*************************************************************

"So tonight was interesting." Edward said as we pulled onto the freeway. "I can't believe Emmett…your brother Emmett is getting _married_."

"Yes… it's all very interesting." I replied as best I could.

"What's that look for?" he said smiling at me.

I was about to give him a pitiful answer when my eyes suddenly locked with his. He looked at me questioningly as I just stared, his eyes shifting from the road back to me. And then, just like before when I was talking with Emmett, I suddenly understood why he could act so irrational. Love did that to you sometimes. Like now for instance. One second I was talking to Edward and the next second I wanted to feel his skin against mine, pouring myself into him in the most intimate way possible.

"Nothing" I said, smiling to myself as I rested my head against the seat. The last thing I remember was Edward grabbing my hand before I fell asleep.

*********************************************************************

I woke up in bed next to Edward. His arm was around my waist, as his hand lay limp in my hair. I smiled as I watched his sleeping body sink and rise. Kissing his chin, I slowly fannagled my way out of his grip. Quietly I walked over to his dresser and pulled out my sports bra and a pair of shorts. I hadn't spent the night at my own apartment in more than a week and consequently, my wardrobe at Edward's was growing by the minute. I slipped on my work out clothes and piled my hair into a messy bun. Just then my phone began to ring.

"Hello" I whispered into the speaker as softly as I could.

"I need you now." was all Alice said.

"What?"

"Come to the apartment now."

I looked at the clock and sighed. "Alice it's 8:30 in the morning, can this wait?"

"No I'll see you in ten."

And then she hung up. I closed my phone and threw it into my purse.

I walked back over to the bed and straddled on top of his sleeping form. Slowly I trailed kisses along his chest, mesmerized by just how tightly each muscle was held in place. Within seconds I felt his body move under mine and his eyes fluttered open.

"Bella?" he said.

"Edward, I'm going to see Alice. I'll call you later on." I said kissing the edge of his lips just as his arms wrapped around my waist.

"hmmm?" he mumbled in my hair as I was now pinned against his body.

"I said I'm going to see Alice."

Suddenly I felt his hands slide up my back as he kissed my ear.

"Would you rather see Alice or lay in bed with me?"

Before I could answer, he flipped me on my back and was nuzzled on top of me. I felt his thumb trace my cheekbone, instantly turning my body to mush.

"Edward," I giggled worming my way out of his grip once more. I slid off the bed but not before his hand caught my wrist in protest.

"I'll call you later." I said

He pulled me into one last mangled kiss and let me go.

"Don't call." He mumbled, nestling back into his sheets, "Just come over."

I promised I would and within fifteen minutes I was heading towards my apartment.

**********************************************************************

BPOV

"Okay I'm here. What's the big emergency?" I said, as I stepped into my apartment for what seemed like the first time in weeks. It was weird how foreign everything felt. The drapery Alice had insisted on buying, the plush carpet, red accents…it all took me by surprise as I stepped into the kitchen where I could hear Alice rummaging through something. I was about to chastise her for calling me so early when I noticed she was putting things into boxes.

"What are you doing?"

She looked up at me with an ambiguous expression and put her hands on her hips.

"I have the craziest story to tell you." She said, holstering herself onto the nearest bar stool.

"Okay, shoot." I said, my eyes still drifting towards my kitchen, which now looked like it was being pulled apart with abandon.

"Alright so last night Jasper took me to that really fancy restaurant in the Summits. We got all dressed up but the whole time he was acting really strange."

I motioned for her to continue, knowing that the story was far from over.

"Like he kept saying all these romantic things, you know? He just kept pulling me through all these random memories. And then I would catch him staring at me. Only he wasn't just staring. It was like he was searching for something."

I raised a brow, communicating to her that I now had no clue to where she was going with this.

"So then," she said, picking up momentum, "he started saying things like '_you know I love you Alice_' and '_you know how much I value our relationship_.' And then he reaches into his pocket."

I let out a gush of air as I suspected her next statement.

"Wait let me finish," she said smiling, "So then I was like '_Oh my God, he's going to propose_' right and sure enough he pulls out a velvet ring box."

My excitement suddenly slowed as I noticed the tone of her voice.

"So while I'm busily thinking about the Monique Lhuillier wedding dress with the pink chiffon finish and lace details that I'm going to wear to my beautiful wedding this FOOL opens the box and guess what's inside it?"

"I'm guessing it wasn't a ring." I said fighting back laughter.

"No, it was a key! _A KEY_. Who the hell brings their girlfriend to a fancy restaurant, dresses in an expensive tuxedo, strings them through all the _magnificent _times they've had together, and then pulls out a…ring…box…a…wedding…ring…box…with a DAMN KEY INSIDE?"

This time I couldn't control the laughter that was bubbling inside of me.

"Oh Alice." I said, giving her a sorrowful expression. "What did you say?"

"I looked at him in disbelief and told him that it had better be a key to something very expensive."

"Well was it?" I said through giggles.

"No it was a key to his apartment, and apparently Emmett had assured him that this was the perfect way of presenting it to me."

"Leave it to Emmett."

"Yah well, Emmett is going to think its real funny when he has to pay the delivery man for the 400 pizzas I just ordered."

I smiled as I rummaged through an open box. "So I guess that means your moving out?"

"Yep."

She looked up at me when I didn't say anything and smiled. "Bella, you're always at Edward's anyways. You probably won't even notice I'm gone."

"Of course I'll notice Alice, you're my best friend."

"Which is why I have called upon you to help me move."

"Oh really," I said, beginning to wonder how long it would take to just pack away her closet. "I thought you wanted to tell me how thoughtful Jasper can be."

"Oh he's thoughtful alright. In fact, he's so damn thoughtful, that he over thinks_ everything_. I mean really, a ring box. You've got to be kidding me."

I listened intently as Alice continued to mumble colorful words under her breath. And then I couldn't stop the wave of emotion that hit me. Emmett was getting married to some random chick after only hours of dating and Alice was moving in with Jasper. Once again I felt strangely left behind, as if Edward and I were moving at a painstakingly slow pace.

I wanted to be flying like my friends, even if that meant embarking on territory I knew nothing about.

***************************************************************

One Week Later…

"A what pepper?" I said, walking down the spice aisle of the supermarket.

Edward had insisted on cooking dinner for us after I told him I was sick of take out. I had offered to help but of course he declined, telling me he could not handle another cookie dough fight. So here I was, wandering up and down the freezing aisles of Whole Foods in search of the ingredients that he needed.

"Ro-co-to." He pronounced flawlessly and rather incredulously on the phone as if he couldn't believe I even had to ask.

"What does it look like?" I said, rummaging through ten different types of peppers which all looked the same.

"It's red."

I looked at the next two piles of peppers, all varying in shades of red.

"Well you're just teeming with details over there aren't you."

He laughed into the phone and sighed.

"What are you making anyways." I said, moving on to the candy aisle.

I picked up a package of sour gummy worms and opened them up. I had acquired the habit of eating things before actually paying for them from Alice. I always thought it was so tacky but here I was yet again, doing the exact same thing.

"Something delicious for my lover if she ever comes home." He replied.

I could hear the eagerness in his voice and after popping a gummy worm into my mouth, began the trudge back to the peppers.

"Okay, okay, let's get your Roocooti."

"ROCOTO" he said, laughing.

As I rounded the corner, an insult firmly positioned on the tip of my tongue, I ran straight into something hard. My basket left my hands, sending sour gummy worms flying everywhere. It landed against a shelf, which in turn sent ten bags of rice plummeting to the ground.

"Bella are you there…Bella.." I heard Edward frantically yell into the phone.

I picked up the phone from underneath a rice bag and craned it under my neck as I struggled to stand up. "Yah?"

"What happened, I heard a big bang and then you went quiet? Are you okay?"

"Yah, I bumped into somebody," I said gathering gummy worms before anyone noticed I'd been eating them.

"Who?"

"Rosalie." I said as my eyes wondered for the first time to the body giggling beside me.

"Rosalie?" Edward repeated.

"Yah…um…let me call you back okay."

"Okay, but don't forget the-"

"Riceenni… I got it." I said snapping the phone shut.

My eyes trailed back to Rosalie who was now picking gummy worms from her hair.

"Sorry about that." I said, putting the bag of rice back onto the shelf. I watched as she heaved her body from the ground.

"No problem."

"No seriously, I'm a walking catastrophe." I said giggling. Why I was giggling with the tramp who had seemingly convinced my unsuspecting brother to marry her within a month, I had no clue. Maybe it was the fact that I had just slammed into her with the force that sent us both flying backwards, or maybe it was the fact that her mere demeanor was somehow very intimidating. I decided to go with the latter.

"Okay, well I have to go get this pepper for Edward…" I said, trying to end any polite conversation that might be forming.

"What kind of pepper?" she said.

"Um…roco something."

"You mean Rocoto?" she said smiling.

Once again, I felt an immediate sense of inferiority.

"Uh yeah…" I said, grabbing my basket and heading towards the fresh produce once more. I watched in annoyance as she followed me. I picked up a red one and examined it's potential.

"That's a cherry pepper." She shifted through the pile and handed me a rounder one.

"That'll be your Rocoto." She said confidently. I forced a smile and thanked her.

"Um Bella?" I heard her say as I began my trek to the cashier.

"Yah?" I said, turning to face her, hoping that my reluctance wasn't as brightly as I felt it was.

"I know that you probably think I'm some home wrecker who tricked your brother into marrying him but I want you to know that's not true."

I raised a brow at her forwardness but let her continue.

" I love your brother Bella and I wouldn't do anything to-"

I raised my hand, prompting her to stop. Despite my slight disapproval in their marriage, I actually did want to get to know Rosalie. I mean I wasn't a big enough bitch to subject her to this awkward speech in the middle of the supermarket. At least not today.

"Rosalie, I know you're not a home wrecker." I stated, giving her a sincere smile.

"Thanks." She said, flashing me a grin. She really was beautiful. I could see why Emmett would be attracted to her. And I had a feeling that it was indeed this characteristic that sent my self-esteem plummeting. She had to be some prized supermodel …not that I would know or anything. I hardly knew her last name.

"But, at the same time, I know nothing about you." I said, giving her a stern, and serious look, which probably just looked awkward and uncomfortable.

"Okay, how about lunch on Wednesday? I know this great Italian restaurant and I can tell you all about me." She said excitingly.

I pretended to deeply ponder this, as if I had a huge schedule to maintain, and then nodded. I was rather annoyed that she was taking such charge in our relationship building but whatever. I was tired and Edward was waiting for his ruccoto.

************************************************************************

I entered Edward's apartment just in time to find him dancing in the kitchen, sans T-shirt. I leaned against the counter and watched him alternate his attention between the two steaming pots in front of him. The lower half of his body swayed to the beat of the music. I let out a giggle as he side stepped to grab the salt off the counter.

He turned around immediately and smiled.

"Bella Bella.." he sung in a cheap Italian accent.

"What are you doing?" I laughed, wrapping my hands around his waist.

He gave me a chaste kiss on the lips before dipping the edge of a spoon into my mouth.

"What do you think?" He said, eyeing my reaction.

"Definitely not as good as my cookies." I teased, shaking my head. _It was insanely better,_ I thought.

"Well maybe that's a good thing." He said, giving me a wink.

I looked at the table and noticed it was elaborately set, with candles waiting to be lit. He followed my gaze and nodded.

"It's all about the full Italian experience."

"Ah, I see, but I could do without the thick accent though." I warned, pressing his lips together with my fingertips.

He smiled and continued to dance as he shook more salt into one of the pots.

A half hour later, I was sitting on his lap as he fed me the last of his gourmet meal. It put my cooking to shame. Everything was perfect, even the damn peppers were good.

"So I'm thinking you should cook from now on." I said, kissing him on the nose.

"Just so were on the safe side" he whispered.

"Hey" I said swatting at his arm. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me down to kiss him.

"So…"

"So…" he repeated, kissing me again.

All of a sudden it was one of those moments when everything was so perfect and magical that you didn't exactly think about what flew out of your lips. You just reacted. You didn't think, you just did. So it didn't entirely surprise me when I pulled away and asked the one burning question that had bothered me for weeks.

"So what do you think about us moving in together?"

But it did surprise me when Edward didn't answer. Or smile. Or react. Instead, he just sat there looking as uncomfortable as I was beginning to feel.

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**Review!!!! Tell me what you think!**


	13. Logic and Blackouts

**I'm so excited with all the reviews I got from the last chapter. So thanks to all that took the time and especially thanks to babydolcullen! **

**This chapter is another transition one. But the next chapters will have to do more with the wedding and all that good stuff.**

**But anyways we haven't heard from Edward in awhile so here we go…**

**Read on.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight.**

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**EPOV**

"I mean I'm always over here anyways so I just figured…"

I watched as she struggled for the right words as my mind raced.

"You want to move in together?" I finally said, trying to regain control of my horrid reaction. The fact of the matter was I wanted Bella to move in with me. I wanted nothing more than to see her body curled around mine every morning. I wanted more of her disgusting cooking, I wanted more of her things strewed across my apartment, I wanted more of her scent at every surface. But I also didn't want to rush things. The idea of us not working out because we fell too hard to fast was something I couldn't handle. So here I was, ironically pushing away the very thing I needed the most.

"Yah, don't you?" she said, biting her lip.

I shifted her around in my lap so I could see her clearly. Almost immediately I felt her eyes pull me into their chocolaty swamp and all was lost. I wanted so badly to say yes that for a second I actually thought I would. Looking into her eyes at that moment, I thought I could forget about every worry, every thought and just say yes. I thought I could ignore reality just this once, and react without the need to think. But I knew all too well that the important things in life didn't magically fall into place on a dime. Fate took time. So I cleared my throat and tried to explain as best I could.

"Bella, I do…one day. I just think now is not right."

Oh" she said, and I could see her face fall at my words.

"What I'm trying to say," I restarted, lifting either sides of her face into my hands, "is that I love you and I don't want to lose you…_us_…because we went to fast. I've waited for you for fifteen years and I'm not about to lose it all because of one bad decision. I want us to take our time."

My words seemed to relax her expression but I could still see her discomfort.

"I love you too" she said, forcing a smile and gently kissing my lips. I tried to deepen it but she pulled away.

"I should go."

"Bella don't-"

"No I have class early in the morning and I'm really tired. I'll uh…call you."

I watched in silence as she piled her dishes in the sink and grabbed her purse. She turned to say good bye and I caught her eyes falter in something I was definitely not supposed to see. And then I just sat there staring at the tastefully decorated walls, realizing for the first time how truly empty my apartment was when Bella wasn't in it.

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**BPOV**

I left Edward's apartment with the small amount of dignity that I had left. His words rang in my head as I pulled out of his complex and into the night roads of Forks. Two things I was sure of: he loved me but yet he didn't want to live with me. They were such contrasting concepts that I decided I'd rather not contemplate any of it. Instead, I focused on driving home without falling victim to any breakdowns.

Ten minutes later I rounded into my usual parking space. I looked to my right, where Alice's yellow Porsche would normally be but saw nothing. She had moved on to bigger and better things leaving me here stuck in neutral. I sighed and began the walk towards my apartment. Once inside, I slid the keys over the counter and walked towards the bathroom to take a shower. But even the simple act of bathing seemed too much. The cold tiles of the floor, the double vanity with crystal clear mirrors, the soothing water…It just screamed breakdown. So I decided to skip it all together and get some writing done.

Pulling out my laptop, I felt immediate comfort. Writing was simple. Straight forward. If you didn't want to write in complete sentences, you didn't. You could just convey trails of thought, meaningless phrases of ideas with no hint of judgment. There were no rules, except for grammar, which often times fiction didn't abide by. You didn't have to ask anybody how a paragraph was supposed to flow, to move. If you didn't like something, there was always the delete button. But most importantly, you were able to create your own endings. Life, on the other hand, didn't always work that way.

I was on my fourth page of random thoughts, the clock ticking towards midnight, when I heard the door rattle. I figured it was Alice, needing some essential element to a future outfit she had boxed away and refocused my attention on my last paragraph. What I didn't expect was to find Edward, clothed in nothing but boxers and a t-shirt enter my apartment.

"What are you doing here?" I said, tilting up from the position I had slouched into.

He walked over, chucking his shoes and keys against the wall.

"It felt weird without you beside me." He said, taking the laptop out of my hands and placing it on the floor. "I couldn't sleep."

And with one swift movement he lowered his body on top of mine and rested his head on my stomach. He pulled my hand and placed it in his hair. At first glance it would seem as though a full-grown man lying on top of you would become uncomfortable. At first glance it would seem as though a contradiction for him to even be here. Oddly enough, it was neither and within seconds I was scratching at his scalp, I too, surrendering to sleep.

***********************************************************

"Honestly Alice, where are you going to put all these clothes?" I said tossing another dress into the box labeled _Last Season_.

"Oh don't worry, I will find a place," she said confidently, boxing yet another pair of Jimmy Choos.

I was about to insult her logicality when her phone started to ring.

"Hey babe,"

"The boys are here." She whispered to me, stepping over the various boxes that scattered our apartment.

I followed her into the parking lot where Emmett, Jasper, and Edward sat arguing over which station to listen to.

I made my way over to Edward's window, chuckling at their pointless banter.

"Hey you." He said reaching his arm through the window and pulling me towards his lips.

"Hi" I said, blushing once he let go.

"That's so gross." Emmett said eyeing our direction.

I rolled my eyes and reached through the car to turn the music down.

"Did you guys come to help?"

I heard Jasper laugh and Emmett snort. I guess that was a no.

"We came to take you guys out to lunch. Get in."

I heard the door shut as Alice hopped in. I watched as Jasper's head popped in between the seats.

"Let's go Swan." He said, pulling Alice onto his lap.

I smiled and shook my head. "Can't, I have plans."

"With who?" Emmett said, turning off the engine.

"With your chick."

I watched in pleasure as his facial expression wilted towards apprehension. I pushed into the car once more and turned the music back on high while quickly giving Edward a peck on the cheek.

"You're having lunch with Rose?" he yelled as I rounded the corner.

"Yes Emmett" I said, climbing the steps.

He didn't say anything more but just drove on looking as though he might word vomit all over the seats.

******************************************************************

"I ordered for you, I hope you don't mind."

"Guess not." I said sitting down.

"It's really good." She said giving me a reassuring smile. My eyes traveled around the small restaurant Rosalie had insisted on going to. I had imagined something elaborate with waiters in tuxedos. That was definitely not the case. I frowned as my eyes met a small and comfy setting.

"I'm sure it will be." I honestly hated how blunt I was being but I couldn't help it. This was normal. I wasn't ever nice to any of Emmett's girlfriends. Because quite honestly, they were nothing but ass so I didn't see the point in getting to know someone who was going to be out of my life in a matter of weeks.

"So…" she said tucking a piece of hair behind her ear and looking at me directly.

I gave her sly smile before speaking. "So tell me about yourself."

She gave me an equally powerful smile before answering.

"Well I work at the hospital, as I'm sure you already know. I grew up in New York but moved here, preferring the small town feel. I studied abroad for three years, traveling around Europe which is probably where I found my love for cars. In fact I'm working on 67 Mustang."

"Really." I said, taking a sip of my water. She worked on cars?

"Wow, part time nurse, part time mechanic. Impressive. Maybe you can teach Edward a thing or two."

"It's not that impressive, especially compared to you. Emmett told me your writing a book?"

"I guess that's what my tangled thoughts will be one day." I said laughing.

"What's it about?"

"Best friends falling in love." I said without thinking. And then I panicked because I hadn't divulged this information to anybody. Not Alice, not even Edward. But here I was, nonchalantly spitting it out to a girl I had planned on hating.

"How long have you and Edward been together?" she said abruptly, obviously fitting the scattered pieces of my puzzle together. As blunt as I was being with her, I was beginning to learn how equally straightforward she could be.

"I thought I was going to be the interrogator today."

"Sorry," she giggled, "It's just that Emmett talks about you all the time. I'm genuinely fascinated."

"With what?" I said, a smile spreading across my face.

"With all the history you guys have, you, him, Alice, Edward, Jasper…"

Just then the waiter came with our lunch. And to say I was surprised when Rosalie thanked him in Italian would be an understatement.

"You speak Italian?" I asked dumbstruck.

"And French, Spanish, and a little bit of Dutch." She said, spooning her pasta.

And that was how my relationship with Rosalie began. Simple assumptions. Unexpected answers. And as the afternoon flew by, I was beginning to think I could see her fitting quite nicely in my life.

******************************************************************

The week trailed on with much to account for. Alice had officially moved in with Jasper while Rosalie and Emmett had officially begun planning their wedding.

Edward and I did our best to keep pace with them (or rather I did), but we were still living in separate apartments. And that tiny fact occupied my mind a lot. But pass that discrepancy we were actually doing pretty well.

But, again, since we had no future plans of moving in together I thought I'd redecorate my apartment. I was sick of looking at the red walls and beaded lamps Alice had insisted on buying. So here I was, sipping on some cheap wine and painting my living room an earthy tan. Calm me boring, but I found the color extremely calming.

While applying another coat onto the living room walls, my eyes once again darted to the windows. The weather had made a turn for the worst and was pelting the glass with pouring rain. I shuddered as the sound of thunder rolled across the sky. Taking a step back, I observed my work. I frowned as I noticed the left side of the wall looked darker than the right. Stepping forward to apply what seemed like the fifth coat of paint, I tripped over the bucket _lying straight in front of me _drenching my feet and hands in paint. And as if being covered in paint wasn't enough, the lights chose that precise moment to shut off leaving me covered in paint and in the dark. I blew a piece of hair out of my face and struggled to get up.

I made my way to the kitchen, tripping over anything and everything. Rummaging through the kitchen drawers, my hand finally rested on the flashlight I was looking for. Suddenly I heard a crack of lightning and looked up to find my entire living room illuminated for a half of a second. My body reacted, my hands dropping the flashlight on the floor accompanying my bellowing screams.

I hated thunderstorms. So much so that I didn't remember the last time I had bared through one without Edward by my side, yapping about what a baby I was being. Yet here I was experiencing my first black out...alone. Oh the irony. Because I couldn't help but think of how comfortable I would be right now, in his soft arms, my head lying on his chest, and feeling safe in _our_ apartment. Unfortunately there was no _our_ apartment. There was just one that closely resembled it with my bras hanging on the bathroom door, my chunky peanut butter sitting next to his preferred smooth, my perfume lying next to his cologne that he never used…Just thinking about the lost potential made me angry.

I jumped as I listened to a distinct "ARMpphhh" coming from outside. Thoughts of myself being drained of blood, cut up into little pieces, and then stuffed beneath the floor boards slowly crept into my mind. My hands darted to my cell phone and I frantically began to dial Edward's number. I leaned behind the counter and waited for him to pick up. Almost immediately the _No Signal_ flashed across the screen. I tried again but to no avail.

My heart pounding, I walked over to the door to make sure it was locked. As I rounded the corner, there was a bang. I stopped moving and stared at the door. Horror flooded my body as I watched it slowly open.

*********************************************************************

"You were going to harass your intruder with a paint brush?" Edward asked stepping through the door.

"Oh shut up." I said, placing a hand over my chest and lowering the brush I had absentmindedly grabbed in the two seconds I had thought a mass murderer was breaking into my apartment.

He laughed and shook out of his jacket, shaking water from his hair.

"I seriously thought I was going to end up in some basement chained to walls."

"You watch to many scary movies." He said, kissing my forehead.

"I thought I was a goner." I replied shaking my head.

"You probably would've been based on your poor choice in weapons. What were you going to do, paint me to death?" He said pulling the paintbrush out of my hands and tossing it to the floor. "And why are you covered in paint?" he asked eyeing my hands as he wrapped them around his neck. As much as I wanted to stay annoyed with him I couldn't stop my lips from brushing against his. And the fact that he had drove here because he knew I was terrified of storms made me get all sentimental.

"I fell." I said kissing his lips again. I felt his arm trail soft circles into my back.

"Did you fall into the bucket?" He asked, kissing my neck. I tilted my head to the side and frowned.

"Where's your generator?"

"hmm?" I said, too distracted by his lips to hear what he was saying.

"Generator."

"Don't know." I said, detangling my body from his.

He grabbed the flashlight and pulled on my hand for me to follow him. After much bumping into things, or rather me bumping into things and Edward laughing, we finally found the light box. I leaned against the door and watched him fumble with the light switches.

"Bella, can you please direct the flashlight away from my ass so I can see what I'm doing."

"Oh sorry," I said pointing the flashlight back towards the box. "Even though you have no clue what your doing." I added underneath my breath.

"So how was your lunch with Rose?" he said, trying to distract me from his lack of mechanical skills.

"Since when did we start calling her _Rose_?" I replied, straining to hold the flashlight posed in the same position.

"We call you Bella. I'd say its fair game."

"Well lunch with _Rose_ went well actually. You know she speaks like ten different languages. I don't know how Emmett managed to get with her." I said leaning against the door.

"Hey give your brother some credit."

I watched as he randomly flipped three switches more switches.

"Edward I think we should just light some candles and call it a day."

"Nonsense, I almost got it."

Twenty minutes later I was sitting across from Edward in the tub in a candle lit bathroom. My leg was outstretched as he softly scrubbed away the paint from my toes.

"Do you think Emmett and Rose are getting married too soon?" I asked nonchalantly, trailing my hand along the edge of the tub.

"I think they couldn't be any more in love. Emmett told me he gives her foot massages every night. I can barely hold your toes without succumbing to nausea."

I flicked some water in his direction and sat up. "I'm serious."

"Your brother is happy," he said tracing circles into my foot, "shouldn't that be the only thing that matters."

"You're supposed to be on my side." I said, snatching my foot away.

I leaned back as he suddenly moved through the water to hover over me, placing his hands at either sides of my body.

"I'm always on your side." He said whispering into the crook of my neck.

"So you think it's a good idea?" I said trying not to be distracted by his lips, his tongue, his eyebrows….

"I'm thinking you look really sexy right now."

"Edward." I giggled as his tongue made its way down my shoulder.

"hmmm?" he said attacking my lips.

And all was lost. I relaxed my body and redirected my attention to his. But in the back of my mind I couldn't quite put to rest the feeling that if I were engaged at this very second, with only a mere two months into our relationship, I would be more than okay with it.

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**What did you think? I hope you can agree with Edward's logic as well as Bella's irrational reactions. Review! They of course cause me to update faster!!**


	14. Author's Notice

Hey guys!! I'm so sorry it has taken me so long. I've been at camp this whole time and have had no computer access!!! I see from my traffic that you guys are checking and I appreciate it so much. I'm almost done with the latest update and I will post that up tomorrow I promise!!! But I do have a snippet of a story I've been thinking of posting for a while now. So if you are dying to read something just review and let me know and I can have that up in minutes. It's definitely a Bella and Edward kind of story and I have yet to read something like it which excites me. Lots of angst.


	15. Speak

**Once again, I am so sorry for the long wait. Even though it's been annoying, I have had time to come up with so many ideas for this story. This chapter sets the stage for lots of things to come. And that includes with everybody. Not just Edward and Bella. The wedding is coming up so I'm playing with time frames. I hope I don't put to many events in one chapter but I feel as though there all necessary. Oh and I have been neglecting some characters so of course their will be some future drama with Alice.**

**I'm excited! Read and I'll catch you at the bottom.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns twilight.**

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**BPOV**

"What about that one?" I said eyeing a dish at the end of the table.

"You won't like that one." Edward said, forking a piece of cake off of my plate.

"You don't know that."

He raised an eyebrow and handed me the desired plate. I scooped a fork full and immediately cringed. I grabbed a napkin and began scraping the unappealing taste of coconut from my mouth.

"Told you you wouldn't like it" he said without looking at me. I watched in annoyance as he handed me another one.

"Here taste this."

He rolled his eyes when I didn't comply and fed me himself. I couldn't help but flutter in satisfaction. He laughed as I grabbed the plate out of his hand and continued to eat.

"Oh try that one by your elbow." I said, forking a piece of his lemon cake.

I watched him as he took a bite and nodded.

"Orgasmic right?"

"Guys!" Alice yelled suddenly, making me drop my plate. I watched in sorrow as the last of the Ganache fall to the floor. Edward tried catching it but missed.

"Dammit Alice," I said earning a smile from Edward.

"You're so greedy." He whispered, shaking his head.

"This is a cake tasting not a cake buffet. Stop eating whole pieces! Taste one and move on…"

"Don't scream at us," I said trying to fork another plate she had just swiped from my hands, "Emmett is on his fourth piece of Red Velvet. Go stop him."

She gave me a warning glance and walked over to where Emmett was. I heard Rosalie giggle and redirected my attention back to Edward's plate.

"I don't know where you put it." He said shaking his head as he watched me finish off his slice.

"I have Emmett as a brother." I shrugged, glancing around the table to see where Alice had thrown my other slice.

"Which one did you like?" Rosalie said sliding her chair towards us.

"The Ganache is definitely your winner. It's my new favorite flavor."

"I would have to agree." Edward said leaning back into his chair.

We all glanced at Alice and Emmett who were arguing ferociously about portion control.

"You'll be lucky if they don't pummel each other at your wedding." I commented.

"Yah well we will deal with that later. You guys are still going to pick up the floral center pieces right?"

"Yes, next Wednesday." Edward said glancing at his watch for the third time. He'd been doing that a lot lately. In the past week he had gotten a promotion that required a lot more of his time. It had been the position he wanted for months so of course I was happy for him even if that meant a little sacrificing on my end.

I leaned back in my chair and waited for the inevitable.

"Okay, sorry guys but I have to jet." He said, leaning towards me and grabbing my hand.

I giggled as he spread my fingers out, dipping his tongue between my thumb and forefinger to lick away some icing I doubted was there.

"Don't forget our dinner plans." I said quickly before he could flee towards the door.

"Dinner plans?" he asked, putting on his jacket.

"Yes Edward. Dinner plans. You know the ones I made for tonight-"

"Yes, yes, I'm just messing with you. I will meet you at the restaurant at eight sharp." he said as he searched for his keys. I watched as he frantically lifted my purse from the table as well as many fly away napkins. Quietly I stood up and reached into his front pocket.

"I'm serious Edward." I said as I handed him his keys.

He smiled and kissed my forehead. "I will be there. I promise."

I watched him leave and redirected my attention to Alice. She looked warn out and tired which was weird since normally I had a hard time shutting her up.

***********************************************************

**EPOV**

The clock read 7:45. I returned my eyes to the computer and typed as fast as I could. I had to complete the latest file report for my boss and I was no where near finished. I tried to focus but all my thoughts trailed to Bella.

For the last three weeks I had been nothing but the perfect business man. I had finally got the promotion I had been longing for but I was slowly beginning to realize that it wasn't what I thought it would be. I wanted to be a future CEO of my own business. So how I found myself, working late hours at a job I hated, trying to climb this damn ladder while I did other people's work, I will never know.

"I need that report by 9:00." My boss said, as he strolled by my office. He didn't even wait for a reply. Instead he planted another file onto my desk and left.

I pulled out my phone and made the dreaded phone call. This would be the third dinner cancelation this week with Bella. I knew she was itching to tell me something but I never had the time. And I hated that. Of course she would never say it out loud, but I was letting her down in so many ways. It was crunch time in our relationship and I was biting the wrong bullet. She should have been my first priority but somehow she had dwindled down to the bottom of the list.

"Hey I'm leaving now," she said after the third ring, "Are you already at the restaurant?"

She seemed out of breath and I could imagine her tripping over things as she scrambled towards the door. I breathed heavily and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"No Bella, I'm not there. I can't-"

"You can't what?"

Her breathing began to level out and her voice sounded timid. I hated that she knew what was coming even before the words even left my mouth.

"I'm so sorry but I won't be able to make it tonight. I tried, but I can't get out of writing this report."

She took a while to reply which could not mean anything good. I waited for her anger and was surprised when it didn't come.

"Don't worry about it." She barely whispered into the phone.

Her passiveness was worst then anger. She was only ever passive with her parents which meant that she was beyond hurt.

"No Bella I'm really trying here I just-"

"Call me when you can."

I heard the click of the phone and slammed it against the wall. I contemplated leaving but found myself choosing work over her once more.

************************************************************

**BPOV**

I sat on the couch and closed my eyes. I didn't want to be angry but I couldn't help it. He was blowing me off when I needed him the most. But the strangest thing was I wasn't sure if I was angrier with him as my best friend than my boyfriend. I don't remember when I started differentiating the two, but it suddenly bothered me that I did…

I got the first phone call about a week ago. I had just gotten home from a long day of classes and was in the kitchen grabbing a sandwich when I noticed the machine blinking. I pushed play and listened to a raspy voice fill the apartment.

"_Hello Ms. Swan, this is the chief editor of Speak Publishers and I would love to speak to you about your book. I have a copy of your manuscript in my lap right now and I am intrigued to say the very least. My name is Jasmine Romper and you can contact me at the following number…"_

I dropped my sandwich and pushed rewind. I listened to her first sentence again and pushed rewind once more. When it finally sunk in I screamed. And then hiccupped. And then laughed. And then I cried because this was very real. The chief editor of a publishing company had actually called me inquiring about my story.

A story that was based on my life. On my love. My thoughts shot to Edward and I immediately dialed his number. When he didn't answer I tried again. By the third try I gave up and decided that this kind of news deserved more than a phone call. I dialed his number one last time and left a message, telling him to meet me for dinner.

That was a week ago.

Three canceled dinners later and I still hadn't been able to tell my best friend about the one thing he inspired the most.

I closed my eyes once more and tried not to think about the disappointment but rather on my future meeting with the chief editor of Speak.

*******************************************************************

**Three days later…**

"You don't like skim milk." I said, eying the growing grocery cart in Edward's hands.

"Yah but you do." He replied, checking the expiration date on some bagels in his hand.

"Okay." I said slowly, redirecting my attention to the candy aisle. He followed me as I tucked a package of sour patch kids under my arm. I watched as he pulled two more bags and threw them into the cart.

"Why do you keep doing that?"

"What?" he said turning towards the next aisle.

"Edward you don't like sour patch kids or spicy dorritos _or_ peach tea." I said, examining more of the things he was throwing into the cart.

"I know. You have bad taste in food," he said chuckling to himself.

"But I thought we were getting food for _your _apartment." I said, trying to keep pace with him as he rounded yet another corner.

"We are."

"So why do you keep putting things that _I like_ into the cart?" I asked puzzled. I opened the bag of candy and popped two into my mouth.

"So you can have stuff to eat when you're over." He said nonchalantly, wheeling towards the cashier.

And for some reason that just about pissed me off to no end. Here we were doing things that couples did when they _lived_ together. But it was all artificial. We might be grocery shopping together and I might spend all my time at his place, but nothing was really ours. There was my kitchen sink and there was his kitchen sink, my stove, his stove, my bathroom…and the list went on. He didn't want to live with me yet he wanted to make sure his apartment was well stocked with all the food I liked. It was all nonsense.

And the fact that this was the only time I had had with him all week…a lousy trip to the grocery store… only heightened my agitation. My meeting with Jasmine was in two days and he still did not know. He brushed my dinners aside so I guess in away I was doing the same to him. It didn't make sense, considering that the only thing I needed right now was his support but I was tired and cranky. My news could wait.

"What?" he said, as he noticed I was staring at him. He grabbed my hand and began to play with my fingers as the cashier rung everything up.

"Nothing. You just cease to amaze me." I said, rolling my eyes. He just frowned and wrapped my arms around his waist. And like always, all was lost.

*****************************************************************

**The Next Day..**

"Rose what's it like living with my brother?" I asked as I squinted against the harsh rays of the sun.

We were both sitting on the bleachers, our legs dangling over the slight edge as we watched the guys play their monthly baseball game. Somehow they insisted that Rose, Alice, and I were required to go.

"Didn't you live with him for the duration of your childhood?" she shot back.

"Okay, I guess what I mean is what is it like to live with the person you're in a relationship with?"

"It's not easy…" she said, pulling a hand through her blonde locks, "but I guess that's where compromise factors in. When I said I'd marry Emmett it meant that I'd marry ALL of him. Even the disgusting underwear he leaves in the bathroom."

I laughed but the smile didn't necessarily reach my eyes.

"It's a big step Bella. It's definitely not for the faint of heart. Why? Are you and Edward thinking about moving in together?"

"No." I said shaking my head. It was the only answer I could think of that didn't sound pathetic. I definitely couldn't go with the, _"oh I asked him but he said no"_ reply. The last thing I wanted people to know was that my fairytale ending had a slight glitch in it. "No it's just-"

"Come on chicks, get out here and play," Emmett screamed from the field, cutting me mid sentence.

As we rounded to the field, a not-so-subtle Jasper came running towards us.

"Uh…no I don't think that's such a good idea." He said…only he wasn't looking at me or Rose, but directly at Alice. I saw her stiffen and shoot him a look.

"It'll be a quick game." Edward called from the outfield. "Rose can't hit, Bella will trip over every rock, and Alice throws like a girl."

"He's just scared." Rose said, twirling a piece of her blonde curls through her fingers as she walked over to where Emmett was.

"Yah let's play." I said, grabbing Alice's hand and moving towards first base.

We were stopped when Jasper suddenly stepped in front of her.

"Alice… please." He whispered under his breath, almost frantic.

"Don't ." She said, no longer looking him in the eye.

"We only need two players anyways Alice. You really don't have to play." Jasper said. I heard his words exactly, but the situation didn't really amount to their meaning. There should have been nothing unnerving about his words but yet there was.

What he said was a simple statement but somehow it was fueled with enough ammo to set Alice off. Besides the infamous key incident, I had never really seen Alice mad at him. They only got in petty, nonessential arguments. Nothing big. But right now she looked as though he had just called her the dirtiest thing in the book.

"Well thank you oh so very damn much Jasper for your concern. Inconvenience is the last thing I want to condone."

I was so caught off guard that for a second I thought she was joking. And then I saw her eyes.

"Alice I didn't mean-" he started.

"No of course not. You don't mean anything you do. _Things just happen right_?"

She put a little to much emphasis on the last part, which only sent us that much further into confusion. Jasper didn't look embarrassed as I expected, but rather hurt. And for some reason that only tightened the knot in my stomach.

By now all the boys had made it to the fence. It was such an awkward silence that even Emmett couldn't counteract.

"Alice it's okay, I'll sit out with you." I said trying to lighten the mood as best I could.

"No, I'll sit alone. I have to learn how to do it sooner or later."

I frowned at her last sentence, but was pretty sure it wasn't directed towards me. And that thought was only confirmed when Jasper let out a muffled sigh and awkwardly retreated back to the field. Emmett shrugged his shoulders and followed him. Edward's gaze followed his sister. He looked just as confused as I was. My eyes shifted to Rosalie who neither looked confused nor upset. Instead she just looked nervous…and well informed. And I swear I saw her and Jasper exchange a noted look before she left for the pitcher's mound.

The rest of the game carried on despite Alice's partial breakdown. I was on my period, which meant she was not too far behind.

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**Okay I hope it was worth the wait. What did you think? Bella's situation, Edward's lack of attention, oh and Alice….**


	16. Another Update SORRY!

Okay guys I'm still at camp but will upload on Thursday I promise!! I don't know how far I'll get with the new story I just posted BUTT… I have another account **bettertohavelovedthanlost **which actually has another best friend story that I had started along with the one you guys love so much. It has a different story line but it never really caught on with readers so I abandoned it. It's called **I Object **and I would consider finishing it if I got enough feedback. I also just put a new story that I started. I'm kind of getting tired of mushy mushy Edward's and innocent Bellas so this is quite a change. Please go read!! It will tide you over until Thursday and I would love the feedback so please review!!!


	17. Just be there

**Okay first off I think I have some explaining to do. I know in the beginning I promised quick updates and what not and I apologize for all that have been waiting anxiously day in and day out. I kind of fell off with this story. I'm not going to lie. And if I'm being quite honest, I'm surprised you haven't as well.**

**It's like I read past chapters and I can't believe the amount of mush I put into them. But at the same time, I find myself falling in love with the story all over again. So I am NOT going to give up on it. I will finish it and hopefully it will get less mushier and more realistic.**

**I read so many stories where Bella is this infamous writer but you never really hear about where that takes her. So I really want to play on her success and I do like this Edward/Bella so they will of course take center stage once more. But they will have problems. All relationships do.**

**So I'm glad you guys are still reading and, again, apologize for the wait. But really, wouldn't you rather read something that was inspired versus something that was rushed???**

**Please tell me what you think and what you genuinely like about this story because maybe it will help me love it more. I'm not one for review whores but it would be nice for some constructive feedback. **

**OH AND PLEASE!!! READ MY OTHER STORY!! LOVE KNOWS HATE IS A CURE!! **

**Not even a third of you are reading and I know the idea is so out there but I know you'll like it! I don't want to bribe or anything but if I start getting equal feedback it might entice me to stop ignoring this one! **

**See you at the bottom.**

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BPOV

"Alice, are you sure Rose even wants this flower arrangement?" I said eyeing the link that she had just directed me to.

"Yah, why?" she replied suddenly at my side. Something fell onto the keys and I looked down to see that it was the remnants of her and Emmett's disastrous breakfast. I frowned as the stench of the peanut butter marinated chicken penetrated my nose. My eyes trailed to the couch where Emmett sat eating the same concoction with satisfaction written all over his face.

"Alice…" I said pointing to the second piece of chicken that now residing in between the K and L.

"Oh sorry…" I watched in disgust as she plopped the pieces into her ravenous mouth. "But yah, that's the arrangement. It's beautiful isn't it?"

I stared at the screen for a couple more seconds, hoping Alice's thoughts of the flowers would somehow register into mine.

"It just doesn't seem like something she'd want." I said as I looked at the copious amounts of crystals dangling from a circular bouquet of hydrangeas. And then of course there were the random touches of pearls here and there. " I mean she did move to Forks voluntarily. Maybe she doesn't want something so…extravagant." I said, trying once more not to get on Alice's bad side. She'd been very pissy lately.

"Bella, she asked me to plan this wedding and that's what I'm doing. There's nothing wrong with the flowers. Just remember to pick them up today."

I raised my tired eyes to her classic expression and then smiled. Because, quite frankly that's all I could do nowadays when it came to her snappy remarks. Smile and comply. It was a lot less painful than refuting logic.

"Okay Alice."

I heard Emmett stifle a laugh as I shut down the computer and prepared to kick them out.

"Alright. Not that breakfast wasn't fantastic or anything," I said, holding back several gags as I remembered them downing nastiness all morning. "but I need you guys to go. I have to leave in a bit."

"Okay shorty, let's jet." Emmett said, heaving himself off my couch. I watched as Alice gathered her things and followed him to the door. He and Alice had gotten quite close over the last few days. Or rather Alice had suddenly gotten loads and loads of nasty cravings and Emmett was the only one who would eat them with her. This morning, for instance they had insisted on making me one of their newest found recipes. Thankfully I ate before they graced me with their cooking skills.

"Where are you going to anyways?" Alice said, her tone taking a complete 360. I think I even earned a genuine smile from her.

I cringed as my mind raked through possible believable answers. Alice and Emmett knew I was writing a book but they didn't exactly know what about. Or that it was finished. Or that I had submitted it months ago. Or that I was heading to a publishing company in a couple of hours. It's not like I didn't want them to know, I was just secretive when it came to my writing.

Plus at the time when I _was_ writing my book about best friends falling in love, I was harboring my own sick love fest. And knowing Emmett, I don't ever think I'd hear the end of that one.

So they were kind of in the dark about what was going on. Call me a bad friend, I call it survival.

"Work." I said, trying to end the conversation with a quick smile before shutting the door.

"I thought you didn't work on Wednesdays."

"I….picked up an extra shift." I retorted, trying to keep my voice nice and clean.

Emmett frowned but seemed to buy it. I shut the door just as they began to depict what nasty cravings of Alice they were going to satisfy next.

It was not until I was hopping out of the shower did I realize that I had no idea of what kind of attire this meeting required. And of course I had just sent Alice, the best person to deal with this situation, fleeting out the door.

After five minutes of drowning in my closet, I decided to call the only other person I could think of to help me float.

"Rosalie…I need your help." I said into the phone as soon as she answered.

************************************************************************

Twenty minutes later Rose was constructing a formal yet refined outfit about my body.

She laughed when I frowned at her choice of shoes.

"Bella, you're not wearing flats to the meeting. Heels say profession. Flats don't speak at all."

I glanced at the clock, realizing that I only had about a half hour left and surrendered.

"Okay, I guess I can deal with it for today. Thanks, by the way."

She looked up from my feet and smiled. "Of course. But why did you call me? This kind of seems like an Alice moment."

"Yah well Alice has been testy lately and I don't need any more nerves."

She met my eyes with a nervous expression but otherwise nodded.

"And what about Edward?" she said as she nonchalantly pulled a curling iron through my hair. "Is he meeting you there?"

I cringed at her complete and utterly logical question. Of course she would think Edward would be accompanying me. I was embarking on one of the biggest steps in my life. It only made sense that he'd be there. But he wasn't.

She stopped what she was doing when I didn't answer. I met her eyes in the mirror that I currently resided in front of and shrugged.

"You mean, he's actually not going to be there?" she said with more disappointment in her voice than anger.

"Just finish with the hair Rose."

"Does he even know about today?" she said after a minute of awkward silence. By now her voice was livid with anger. I glanced at the clock and watched the minutes pass us by.

"He's been busy." I said, trying to once again keep my voice light. This conversation was doing nothing for my nerves.

She twirled the chair around with her foot so that I was facing her.

"So you mean to tell me that your boyfriend, not to mention the best friend who the entire story is based upon has no clue of what you're about to do right now?"

"No, Rose he doesn't." I said, wheeling myself back around as awkwardly as it was to do so and pointed to my hair.

She reluctantly brought the curling iron back to my tresses and danced through a few more pieces before she spoke again.

"You don't see how fucked up that is?"

I let out a long exasperated breath of air hoping that she would take it as a hint to stop nagging before answering.

"Yes Rose. I know that he should be there okay? I realize that. But he's not. He's working. It is what it is. So curl my damn hair before you make me late."

I hadn't realized how angry I was until the words left my mouth. I had tried not to think about what a disappointment it was to not have him here but that didn't change the facts.

"Rose I'm sorr-" I tried to say, quickly back peddling.

"See," she said smiling at me, "If you were that aggressive with Edward, he would be here right now."

She ran her hands through my hair and motioned for me to stand up.

"Alright chick, you go get your story published so I can read it. I'll clean up here and lock up before I leave."

I smiled and gave her a hug. It puzzled me how badly I had once thought of her. Yah she was outspoken and meddlesome, but she was extremely comforting and down to earth. I could truly see what my brother saw in her. He was slowly but surely making his way up the sanity list.

"And don't worry about Edward." She said with a wink. I gave her a questioning look and pulled her into another hug.

I grabbed more coffee while skimming through a copy of the manuscript I had sent Jasmine. After reassuring myself that I could do this, I threw it on the counter and grabbed my keys.

"Bye Rose!!" I yelled before slamming the door shut and making my way to my future.

*******************************************************************

I walked up the towering steps to Sneak Publishers in somewhat of a numb state. My hand pulled at my form fitting dress, which simultaneously brought back waves of nervousness. I was almost done going through all the possible scenarios in my head, getting ready to clear it for what lied ahead when my phone vibrated.

_Don't forget the flowers. You're picking them up at three._

I rolled my eyes at Alice's third reminder, tucked my phone back into my purse, ran a hand through my slightly curled tresses, ignored the screaming voice in my head that said Edward should be here and opened the door.

***********************************************************************

An hour later I waved to the receptionist one last time, my smile never fading, and walked out the door. And then I stopped and frowned. There sitting on the steps, two feet below my own, was Edward. He had his feet lazily spread out in front of him, his back pressed against the slick concrete in what seemed the only comfortable position. He had one hand in his hair while the other one lightly flipped a page of something in his hand. At first I thought it was a newspaper. My breathing hitched when I realized it was my manuscript. The one I had left on the counter this morning. And then I panicked.

I'm not sure why but it never crossed my mind what it would be like to have Edward read a 400 page novel declaring my thoughts about our connection. I always pictured him hugging me and congratulating me on my success as a writer once it got published but had never really envisioned him actually reading it as he was doing so. It was unnerving to say the least.

Suddenly Edward shook his head and frowned, pulling me away from my thoughts.

"Nope…that's not true." He said glancing at me for the first time as he flipped through another page. I don't know if I was more startled that he was really there or that he was declaring something in my book to be false.

"What's not true?" I said, trying to keep my irritation at bay.

"Well if _Rachel_ is supposed to be Jessica from high school, as I suspect she is, then she didn't break up with me because she was _bored_." He scoffed as his eyes trailed down another page.

Now it was my turn to frown as my mind floated through the memory of their break up. They had been going out for a while and had actually seemed to have grown somewhat serious, which of course did nothing for the aid of my heart, when suddenly it was over. Just like that. I think I even smiled a bit when he told me they were through.

"That's what you told me," I retorted.

"I lied." He said, simply, his eyes still locked on my book.

"Then why did she break up with you?" I challenged, sitting down next to him.

"For the same reason Anna and Britney did."

"Which was…"

"Because of you." He said slowly as he flipped another page.

"Be serious." I said, shielding the sun out of my eyes. I was still beyond furious with him and it suddenly annoyed me how easily he untangled himself from problems.

"I am." He said chuckling, "You ruined every relationship I ever had in high school _Isabella Swan_."

He looked at me when I didn't say anything and smiled. "What? You did."

"How?" I said, as he averted his eyes back to where he left off.

"Well, apparently I said your name while having sex with Jessica…several times..."

"That's not my fault."

"Yes it is. You knew what you were doing throughout highschool. I sort of resented you for it."

He laughed at the last part, and I couldn't stop the traitorous smile spreading across my face.

"Oh please. You try loving yourself. It's exhausting."

He winked at me and put the book down. His smile faded and I was met with seriousness.

"Bella, I'm so sorry."

I smiled because I knew he meant it and the fact that I had had control over him during high school had temporarily heightened my self esteem.

"Don't worry about it."

"No stop it. Don't brush this off."

I could tell he was getting angry but I didn't care. I was too busy envisioning him calling out my name in ecstasy. I could only imagine the look on Jessica's face as he pleasured himself to the likes of me. I was also avoiding confrontation because that's what I did. I did it with Edward all these years and I was doing it now.

"How many times?" I said, interrupting his _I love you_ speech. Not that I didn't want to hear it, but I was a bit preoccupied.

"What?"

"How many times did you say my name?"

"Bella…" he sighed, running his hands through his hair. I heard frustration curled around his speech but could also see him fighting back a smile.

"Did she cry?" I asked smiling.

He pulled my body closer to him kissed my wrist.

"You don't know how extremely guilty I feel right now. I shouldn't be at only chapter six in your book Bella. God, I didn't even know you had finished it. This," he said grabbing the book, "is you and me.. I wanted to be the one to wake you up today. To be nervous with you. I wanted to be the one to walk you up these steps and hold your hand and remind you that you deserve every bit of this."

I smiled at his words because although I knew we were together, it still felt like he was confessing his feelings for me for the first time all over again.

"You're not freaked out that I wrote a book about you?"

"A book about us." He corrected.

"Us…" I repeated, loving the way it sounded.

"Yes, us. I'm sorry Bella, I promi-"

"No.." I said, flipping my hand through the air. "No promises.." I continued no longer looking at him. Eventually I met his eyes and smiled. And that's all I could do. I should've been angry. He deserved a pissy Bella. One that made him grovel at my feet and polish them while he was down there. But of course he didn't get that.

He was the one person I needed, no matter how annoying that small fact was.

"Just _be_ there Edward. That's all I want."

He nodded and we walked down the remainder of the steps, hand in hand.

***********************************************************************

**EPOV**

"So you never told me how your meeting went.." I said as I sat sprawled out on my couch. My head rested in her lap as she absentmindedly scratched at my scalp. It was beginning to become one of my favorite positions.

"How did you even know where it was?" she asked frowning.

I sat up and motioned for her to move so she was lying on my chest.

"Rose called." I said, quickly shooing away her question. Rose had done more than just called. She had shown up at my office with Bella's manuscript in hand, livid. I could see how she could handle Emmett's ridiculous personality. She was definitely not one to mess with. She had laid the guilt on me pretty hard…not that it wasn't already there to begin with.

"Oh," she said, yawning into my chest as she traced soft circles around my abs.

"So…are we published?" I said, the anxiety getting the better of me. I think I would have torn my hair out if she said no.

She looked up at me and grinned. "Not yet. They want me to revise a couple of chapters and then send them in next week. But she _did_ tell me not to send my manuscript to any other publisher."

I couldn't help but smile at her expression.

"Don't feel too special… but you're kind of amazing." I whispered into her hair.

"You think so?" she said, tilting her head to meet my gaze.

"I know so."

I caught her lips as she giggled. I had just maneuvered myself on top of her, adjusting my weight so that it was comfortable when the door swung open.

"Unbelievable. Un-be-live-able."

I moaned in disgust at Alice's sudden voice.

"Shit." Bella muttered from underneath me. I grinned at her because she _never_ cursed. It was kind of sexy.

"What's unbelievable Alice?" I said, getting off of Bella while reminding myself to switch the damn locks.

"Bella do you know what time it is?" she asked ignoring my question.

I looked down to Bella who had her eyes closed.

"It's almost six. SIX!" she shrieked.

Bella opened her eyes and I immediately felt bad for her. Alice had very dire bitch tendencies. Especially lately.

"Alice I can still-"

"Still what? Do the one thing I asked of you. Flowers, Bella, flowers."

"Exactly Alice!!" Bella retorted, standing up. "They're just flowers. We can reschedule. I can pick them up tomorrow."

"I called you at work."

Bella cringed as though she had been caught which made me frown. She didn't work on Wednesdays.

"Yep, I called and was oh so surprised to find out that you never picked up that _extra_ shift you talked about. And then I called you and, again, not surprised you didn't answer. Then I went to your apartment. And of course you're not there because you're here. You're always fucking here."

Now I was completely confused with Alice's complete shift in conversation. It didn't really surprise me that Bella had lied about the meeting but Alice obviously didn't agree.

"Alice.." Bella said, looking completely blindsided.

"So where were you today Bella? Or am I not supposed to know?"

"Alice why are you crying?" Bella asked, becoming as panicked as I was. My sister was having a breakdown about flowers. Something wasn't right.

"You know, I may not be your number one best friend Bella, I may not be Edward, but I am still your friend."

Before anyone could say anything else, Alice left as quickly as she came.

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**What did you think??? Worth the wait? God, I hope so....Review...tell me something.**


	18. A Certain Shade of Green

**I'm going to update sooner I promise!!**

**Oh and I realized that this story isn't keeping up with its rating. So censure yourselves accordingly.**

**Happy Reading**

**SM owns everything Twilight although I wish it wasn't so.**

**EPOV**

****************************************************************************

"She's right." I said, pulling at my hair.

"Edward, they're damn flowers." Bella said turning over and closing her eyes.

I laughed at her misunderstanding.

"No what I mean is you _are_ here a lot of the time." Not that I mined in the least bit.

She opened an eye and frowned. "Are you kicking me out?"

"Because if you are" she said, before I could reply, "I'll pull an Alice on you."

I rolled my eyes because I knew what she was doing. She was avoiding the situation at hand. Bella had voiced her opinion about our living arrangements in the past and I had been too scared to do anything about it. At the time I had thought I was doing us a favor, but in actuality I was only prolonging the inevitable.

Sighing, I sat back on the couch, reclining us back as I flipped through her book to where I had last left off. I can't even begin to describe what it felt like to read it. Every page written was a validation of the love I had spent years pining over. It was sort of overwhelming but of course in a good way.

We sat like that for a while. Bella drew random circles into my skin and hummed some song pitifully out of tune. Her body nestled into mine more and more and I stopped reading every now and then to just listen to her eventual sleeping breaths.

It was making me tired to have her body heat radiating on top of me but her book kept me from dozing off.

Eventually the timer on the television turned itself off, leaving us in complete silence. She shifted awkwardly in my arms and I wondered half-heartedly if she was the only person in the world who could awaken in the _absence _of sound.

I sat still and waited for her to become comfortable again, balancing the book on my other hand.

"You're killing me here." I said, my arm aching from trying to avoid her flailing head.

"Sorry, you're just sitting really awkwardly." She mumbled, sleepily. She moved once more and moaned in frustration.

"What are you even doin-?"

I smiled at her as her eyes registered towards the book.

"Ughh…. don't read that thing while I'm here." She said, swatting at my hands.

"Why not?"

"Edward."

"Bella."

"It's embarrassing."

"Go to sleep." I said, grabbing her hand and kissing it before entwining it within mine and resting it on my lap.

"Just…uh…don't read the ending." She said when I tried to pull her back onto my chest.

"Why? Do I die at the end?" I asked, my interest sparked.

She gave me an incredulous look. "No."

"It's gruesome isn't it?"

"You don't die. Just don't read it." She said, resting her head back on my chest, which sent vibrations soft down my stomach.

"Tell me why." I said yawning and playing with a piece of her hair.

"Because..I just…please Edward." She said, lifting her chin.

Usually I would have read it. Right then. At that exact moment. In front of her. But I was currently way behind on earning brownie points with Bella after the whole publishing incident. So I conceded.

I smiled and smoothed out the arch in her eyebrows.

"Don't frown."

My fingers involuntarily dropped to her lips, outlining the tight line they had formed themselves into. I stared at them for a half a second before my body reacted and bent down to reach them.

I smiled when she pulled back from my advancing lips, still waiting.

"Fine. What chapter do I stop at?"

"Just don't read the last chapter." She explained, relaxing once more into my outstretched arm. "I'm serious Edward. I'll be able to tell if you read it or not so just… don't."

"Sure thing." I said, basking in the one phrase she hated hearing. She had told me once that it was my way of brushing her off, but really I only did it to get a reaction out of her. Because her reactions, no matter what they were, were the kind of things I had indulged in while growing up. And still did.

I chuckled as she rolled her eyes and shifted her body away from mine. When I was sure she was asleep, I moved her back against my chest.

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BPOV

I woke up curled next to Edward in his bed. He was sprawled beside me, his arm serving as my pillow as the rest of his chest was covered with what looked like my book.

I yawned and threw the manuscript on the floor so I could see pass his chest to his watch.

It was still early but I figured I had better get up. Thoughts of Alice's fury rang in my head and I sat up knowing I had some repairing to tend to. I rose awkwardly, still drunk with sleep and pulled on my jeans.

I couldn't help but smile. It always turned me on whenever I thought of Edward stripping my clothes off before he went to bed.

I ventured into the living room looking around for my shoes but not before stumbling on his coffee table in the process.

"They're in the kitchen." I heard him call sleepily from the bedroom.

"Thanks." I whispered, rubbing my stumped toe.

I limped to the kitchen and grabbed them as well as my keys. Making my way back to the bedroom, I stumbled on the nightstand, nearly hurling myself onto the floor for the second time.

I heard Edward chuckle and shift in bed. "Say something so I know you're okay." he mumbled. I squinted in the dark, until I found a safe place to sit.

"You have too much furniture." I snapped, now rubbing my elbow.

I tugged on my shoelaces until they fell untied and lazily slipped into my left shoe. Yawning, I stretched for the other one. When I couldn't find it, I turned around… just in time to find Edward staring at me.

"What?" I said, my eyes dancing along the contours of his face. It was eight in the morning and he looked gorgeous. I could only imagine what I must look like to him but I was suddenly met with satisfaction knowing that that small fact didn't bother me at all.

I wouldn't be with him if our relationship were solely based on looks.

"You smell good." He said, while yawning.

I rolled my eyes and yanked on my other shoe. Shaking my bangs out of my face, I quickly tried pulling my hair into a ponytail. But of course, since I was nothing short of a klutz, I ended up snapping the rubber band gracefully in my face.

"Ow." I said, trying not to feign the irritation that was surging through me.

I looked down to find Edward still staring at me, the edges of his lips curling into a crooked smile, probably wondering why his girlfriend was so incompetent.

It was quiet for a while. Just Edward smiling at me and me feigning embarrassment.

"Move in." he suddenly said.

"What?" My mind immediately traveled to the last time we had this conversation. "I thought you didn't-"

"I want you to move in." he said simply.

He pulled me to where he was in bed. I moved on my side, so that I was facing him. My hair spanned out above my head and he lightly ran his hands through it.

And then I just sat there watching him run his hands through my tangled hair. He watched my eyes intently waiting patiently for what I guess was some sort of response.

"Is this because you still feel guilty about yesterday?" I finally said, not wanting to fall victim to another misunderstanding.

He smiled and leaned closer to me.

"No. Say you'll move in with me."

I frowned as my mind racked through all the possible catch 22s that might have been silently lingering behind his words.

"I'll get on your nerves." I said.

"And I yours." He said, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"You'll get tired of me."

"I haven't thus far and it's been four hundred years since we met."

"Fifteen." I corrected.

He rolled his eyes and gave me a pointed look.

"You really want to live together?" I said, fighting back a smile.

"I really do." He said, kissing the corner of my mouth.

My eyes caught his and for a while all I could do was stare. But not for my usual reasons. I didn't stare because he was beautiful or breathtaking or from any of the other obsessive habits I had inquired. I stared because Edward Cullen was slowly but surely becoming my future.

"Are you waiting for a certain shade of green?" he said, obviously still waiting for my reply. I was surprised to pick up on the nervousness in his voice. As if he could really think that I didn't want this. That I didn't dream about this on a daily basis.

"If this is really what you want…" I said, not even trying to regulate the smile that was resonating on my face.

His hand cupped the back of my neck drawing me even closer.

"I feel like right now it's not to soon and there's no pressure. It's just you and me."

"Finally." I said.

"Say yes." He said against my lips.

"Okay….I'll move in."

Really at that point I could have done more than just move in. I could have married him right then in there. And I realize that that tiny fact might make me a hypocrite but so be it. I was his. He was mine.

I felt his lips heighten into a smile against mine as he left short quick kisses along them.

"Don't feel special or anything." I quickly said, stealing his line from earlier, "You're bed is just more comfortable than mine. That's all."

"Oh," he said frowning. "Well I guess I could let you sleep in it every now and then but I just figured you would sleep in the guest room."

I pushed him off of me and grabbed my bag.

"Bye Edward Cullen." I said, trying not to laugh.

"Amazed Bella. I'm amazed by you." He yelled after me.

********************************************************

I made it to Alice and Jasper's apartment within the hour. I didn't see her Porsche anywhere but I did see Jasper's Audi. I figured that was good enough.

I knocked twice before Jasper answered the door. I wasn't met with the usual calm, laid back guy that I had gotten used to over the years. The Jasper that opened the door looked like hell.

"Um…hey Jasper." I said, moving past him as he shut the door. My eyes trailed through the front of the apartment where two suitcases lay strewn across the loveseat.

"Hey." He said flatly, walking over to the couch. "Alice isn't here."

"Are you going somewhere?" I asked, watching him throw a pair of jeans into the bag closest to him. I couldn't think of any reason why Jasper could be packing except for visiting his parents who lived in Wyoming. Immediately I saw why that would make Alice agitated. Jasper's parents didn't like her. Or at least that was what she had told me. Jasper and I coined it off to her nerves. Everybody loved Alice.

"Yeah." He said, nervously massaging his neck. He looked me in the eyes for a moment and sighed.

Something in his stance told me his parents place was the last thing from his mind.

"You're moving out aren't you?" I said, trying hard not to show my disappointment in him. I had always held so much respect for Jasper. I didn't know him that well but in a way I did.

Growing up Emmett and I would argue with our parents incessantly. I look back and like to think that our personalities just weren't compatible, since there was no other way to put it. What I _did_ realize, however, was that whenever I told Alice of an argument, Jasper would involuntarily find out as well. It used to bother me, but after awhile I stopped worrying about it. It was almost as if I had built this unspoken trust for him through her. She told me his secrets as well, so in a way we did know each other.

And he wasn't one for backing out of situations. Especially ones that involved Alice.

"I'm staying at a friends house for a couple days." He said, no longer looking at me.

"That's what's wrong with her isn't it? That's why she's so upset."

In a way I was happy. I finally knew what was upsetting her and could find a way to make it better. And then I was angry. And pissed. And scared.

I was angry because Alice was supposed to be my best friend. I was supposed to be the one person she could confide to, no matter the issue. I had cried on her shoulder so many times and I felt terrible she felt she couldn't do the same.

I was pissed at Jasper for leaving her. For not fighting for the one person, besides Edward who I found utterly fascinating.

And then I was scared because, not even an hour ago, I had signed and sealed my fate away, it seemed, to a non-refutable contract that was now destroying Alice and Jasper. I felt screwed.

"No. There's more to it…She just won't…" he said, his words not really directed towards anyone or anything for that matter.

"She won't what?" I said, trying again not to show that I was judging him through and through.

"She's probably at the café. Ask her." He finally said referring to the Joey's Java. They had terrible coffee but Alice loved it. She claimed it calmed her. Somehow the smell of horrid java was appealing to her.

"Probably?"

"She'll be there." He said in a definite tone that made me sick all over. I don't know why. It just did.

**********************************************************************

She wasn't there.

And after calling and leaving four messages, I silently gave up. She knew I was here. I'd wait for her to come talk to me.

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I frowned at Edward's incessant laughing.

"It's not funny." I said redirecting my attention to the pasta. I stirred it twice before deciding that it still looked crunchy. After placing the top back on I watched the burst of blue flame lick the pot as I increased the heat. Again.

The room was starting to fill with the smell of ground hamburger and hotdogs. I bobbed my head to the radio as I delicately sliced one microwaved hotdog after the other. Edward grinned at my concentration but I ignored him.

Once I was done with that I wiped my hands on my apron and moved back to the stove. My cheese concoction was bubbling on a low heat setting and I had no idea why. I looked to Edward for some sort of indication but was met with more stifled laughter.

"You're irritating me." I said in between humming the lyrics to some song I had never heard before.

"What are you even making?" he said as he peered into a pot. He had finally stopped laughing and any trace of a smile had left his face so I decided he earned an answer.

"Casserole." I said throwing frozen broccoli into the pot he was looking at.

I watched his lips curve into a smile as he watched me stir the noodles and broccoli in the same pot. He didn't say anything, just smiled.

I returned back to the hamburger and placed a layer into the pan. A few pieces fell onto the counter and after placing them in the pan, I went to get the noodles.

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**EPOV**

Watching Bella cook was beyond entertaining. The way her tongue jutted out when she overdid the smallest thing reminded me why I was in love with her.

The first time she cooked for me, it had been a disaster and even as I was mentally preparing my stomach for whatever she was about to feed me, I couldn't help thinking that I didn't want this to stop.

In some sick way, I wanted to come home from work years from now with the refined assurance of finding her in the kitchen, busily making us some unidentifiable meal.

"Hotdogs?" she said, shooting me a questioning glance.

I nodded. I loved that she was putting hotdog slices into our casserole. In our kitchen. In our apartment. It seemed to fit.

"What can I do to help?" I said, biting into apple while leaning against the counter closest to her.

"Set the table." She said not looking at me, to busy cutting copious amounts of assortments of cheeses.

I smudged off what looked like flour on her right eyebrow and reached to get some plates.

A half hour later we were sitting at the table eating her hamburger/hotdog/hash brown casserole. And it was actually good. Granted there was a tangy after bite that I couldn't exactly place, but besides that, I had two helpings.

"I love your cooking." I said, leaning back into my chair when I was done.. She was looking around at the apartment, seemingly lost in thought.

She looked up at me, and smiled.

And I lost it.

One minute I was temporarily down, not able to move from such food intake. And then I was all over her. She laughed as I mauled her face with my lips, slipping my tongue in between them. Her hands registered in my hair and tugged. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist, kicking over a cup that splattered on the floor with a loud crash. Her hands dropped to my sides just as both of my hands tangled in her hair and I tilted my head to reach towards her lips once more.

I smiled as I stumbled throwing us into the wall on my attempt to move to the bedroom that was now _ours._

I tried redirecting us but fell once more, this time landing me on top of her on the floor.

I pulled my face away from hers to make sure she was okay only a second before she pulled me back down to meet her lips.

We stayed like that for a while, kissing and tugging at each other clothes until her back arched off the floor and I managed to crane my arm around her back and lifted her on to my knee. My other hand slammed against the wall for support as I maneuvered us off the floor.

She laughed and bit my neck as her legs situated themselves back around my waist.

The door retreated with a loud slap as we entered the bedroom. My legs hit the front of the bed and before I knew it she slowly slipped away from my grip, her hair sprawling out in front of me as she landed on the bed. I stopped, trying to slow my breathing as I stared at her. God, she was beautiful. She stared back, her own breathing lacking consistency.

"Come here." She whispered.

My knee fell in between her legs as my hands rested on either side of her body. She lifted herself to my lips, pressing her breasts against my chest. I ravaged her lips, trying to shove as much of my feelings into them as I could. We scooted closer to the head of the bed just as I managed to unclasp her bra.

I kissed her collarbone letting my body drift to her newly exposed skin. My name slipped from her mouth as I took each mound into my mouth.

Slowly I took her jeans off. Her calf curled around my shoulder as I kissed her left thigh. My mouth inched closer to her core, and I looked up to see her staring at me, her breathing slowing down dramatically. I laughed slightly and bit at the edge of her underwear, drawing them down slowly with my teeth. As soon as my mouth hit her sex, she was withering. I grabbed her hips and angled them as I curled my tongue deeper into her.

Bella loved orgasms. So much so that she drew them out. I didn't mind and continued until finally I felt her muscles beginning to clamp down. Quickening my pace, I dove into her one last time before her back arched and she came.

It was her first time coming in our apartment. In our bedroom. In our bed.

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What did you think!! I have so many ideas for the next chapter but will only start on them if you tell me something.


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